Across the table, Kate meets her stepdad’s eye and sees the stress and worry that’s written all over his face. His eyes glisten behind his round glasses. He’s holding a cup of tea in his hand but not drinking from it.
‘You could never be a burden,’ Kate says. ‘You’re our mum.’
‘Yes,’ adds Erin, ‘just because we’ve got stuff going on in our own lives doesn’t mean we don’t have space for you.’
‘Thank you, darlings,’ their mum says in a trembling voice.
‘So, what comes next?’ asks ever-practical Erin. Kate can hear right through her steady, optimistic voice, though. She might be nine years older than Kate, but Kate can hear the frightened little girl hiding behind her sister’s calm tone.
‘Well, I went in for a biopsy last week.’
Kate tries not to wince, hating the thought of her mother going through that on her own. But, of course, as her mum said, she wouldn’t have been on her own. Kate flashes her stepdad a glance and tries to transmit all her love and gratitude to him for being unwaveringly there for her mum. Even if he’s usually the quietest person in the room, he’s the kind of person who will nonetheless be there by your side, no matter how frightening the situation.
‘The doctors have asked me to come back in next week so they can tell me the results.’
‘We’ll be there,’ Erin says instantly. ‘Won’t we, Kate?’
‘Of course. I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t tell us, but I’mso glad you have now. You have always, always been there for us, Mum …’ Kate thinks about the fish pie her mum left in the fridge for her when she was in labour. All the times she’s taken Rosie so that Kate can squeeze in a nap. And everything that came before that. The silly articles her mum would read that Kate used to write for an imaginary paper when she was a child. How she supported her through those tough years in London when she struggled to find her place in the world. The love and kindness she gave her after Rosemary died … Tears fill her eyes as she thinks of all the ways her mum has shown up for her and all the ways she vows to show up for her mum from now on. ‘Let us be there for you too.’
Her mum lets out a deep breath, nodding silently. Kate and Erin wrap their arms around her and their mother’s shoulders relax as she finally lets herself lean on them.
Kate looks up, spotting her stepfather watching them from his armchair on the other side of the room, tears dripping down his face. She shuffles up along the sofa, patting the cushions beside her. Because they might always be the Mathews Girls, but he is part of their family too. And, right now, as they contemplate what might lie ahead of them, it at least brings her some comfort to know that they will be facing it together. Her mum isn’t alone and neither is she.
‘There’s room for you too. Come on, Dad.’
CHAPTER 52
FIFTEEN MONTHS LATER
Chairs are set up in a circle, a table at the back of the room spread out with hot drinks and biscuits. The room is already starting to get busy, a few people chatting, but most standing apart, scrolling through their phones and doing their best not to make eye contact with one another.
Phoebe pours herself what looks like a potentially terrible Americano and catches the eye of the woman next to her who had been eyeing up the coffee urn too. She’s a woman around Phoebe’s age. Phoebe hasn’t met her before but recognises the grey circles under her eyes, the bitten nails and the air of general exhaustion.
‘It might not be as bad as it looks,’ Phoebe says, gesturing to the coffee.
The woman raises an eyebrow. ‘It could be worse.’
‘Hmm, that’s true.’ She takes a sip. ‘Oh yes, definitely worse.’ The woman laughs and Phoebe abandons the coffee on the table. ‘Probably best not to risk it.’
‘No, I might go for a tea instead myself.’ They smile at one another for a moment. ‘I’m feeling a bit nervous, actually,’ the woman says, fidgeting with her bag with one hand as she stirs her tea with the other. ‘I haven’t been to anything like this before, have you?’
‘I have. Don’t worry, everyone else is most likely feeling just as nervous as you are. You’re in good company.’ Phoebe glances at the clock. ‘Right, we should probably get started. I’m Phoebe, by the way. I’ll be leading the session.’
She gives the woman a reassuring smile and heads to the front of the room, everyone beginning to take their seats. The group is a real mix of people, in a rainbow of colourful scrubs as well as the smart suits of consultants and the more casual attire of a couple of community nurses. Everyone sits down on the plastic chairs, shuffling about in an attempt to get comfortable and glancing around at one another before turning their attention to Phoebe.
As eyes fall on her, she’s aware for a moment that she might not be what everyone was expecting, with her bright red hair and covering of tattoos, including a new line drawing on her left wrist of a sprig of Rosemary, in honour of her god-daughter. But she also knows that none of that matters.
She stands up tall, pushing her shoulders back while maintaining a warm and approachable smile.
‘Welcome, everyone, I’m Phoebe. Or Nurse Harrison a lot of the time, but in here with you all, I’m just Phoebe. Some ofyou might be feeling a bit nervous …’ Here, she catches the eye of the woman she’d been chatting to and smiles. They share a look of understanding. ‘Maybe you chose to come here yourself or perhaps you were encouraged, or maybe even forced, to attend by a colleague. Maybe you would rather be anywhere else.’
There’s a nervous flutter of laughter.
‘You might be mentally flicking through your to-do list, ready to get on to the next thing and checking the clock to count how many minutes until you can get out of here.’
More quiet laughter and a few pink cheeks. One of the consultants makes a show of removing his phone from his lap and putting it in his pocket and the people either side of him do the same. Phoebe nods at them.
‘For this next hour, I want you to try not to think about all the responsibilities waiting for you outside but to focus on yourselves and the other people in this room. Just for one hour. I reckon you all deserve that. Wealldeserve that.’
