It feels criminal, that Roman’s body won’t be put to rest.
His pyre is the only one without a body. Just a couple of his personal belongings rest there—a pair of daggers, a set of his Ezkai leathers, and a journal.
The other two fallen Ezkai are dressed in loose white pants and matching tunics.
I’m numb, my limbs heavy. Words dance on the tip of my tongue, meaningful words. But I can’t muster the strength to open my mouth.
What is there to say, anyway?
Roman’s dead, because I couldn’t get to him in time.
I should have been quicker. I should have fought Daegel harder.
He shouldn’t have ordered me to stand down. We fought about it extensively after the mission. He had to carry me off the ship, kicking and screaming.
I didn’t fight. And now, my best friend is dead.
The man at my side is the only one I’ve got.
Daegel’s hand rests on the small of my back. I turn my head slightly and our gazes meet.
I see the hurt in them. It pains him to see me like this, grieving. Devastated. Only after I’d seen the pain in his eyes did I stop fighting him.
He gently rubs my back and plants a soft kiss on my shoulder. It’s a small gesture, but the comfort it offers is bigger than life.
I’m grateful to have him at my side in this moment. I don’t think I could face this alone.
Not again.
Sure, my family didn’t have a burial. I couldn’t give it to them, even though they deserved it.
But I watched my home being devoured by flames, with people I loved inside. And I’m about to watch another person I cared about turned to ash by the ruthless fire.
Any step I take, any direction I look, there’s nothing but destruction. Death. Pain.
I forgot for a moment. Allowed myself to be blinded by the illusion that I may have a home, friends, and family again here in Ekios. That there might be more to life than the vengeance I seek.
I got distracted.
But I have clarity now.
Feeling eyes on me, I turn my head to the left. Ezkai General stands at the front of Ezkai group. His regal dragon rests behind him, the creature’s wise eyes observing the ceremony. Taaslord Noire stands on one side and that beautiful mysterious fae on the other. She wears a crisp ivory three-piece suit, her waist-long braids neatly clipped to stay out of her face. She reminds me of a fox when her silver eyes scan the crowd from time to time, lips pressed into a thin line.
I was wrong when I assumed she was the General’s wife the first time I saw them together. She’s someone they call Caetra here in Ekios. The details of what that is are still blurry for me. But every influential person in Ekios has one, some even a few. But not necessarily in a sexual way—I’ve heard of some nobles who keep a Caetra’s company and have a spouse. No hard feelings.
I swallow hard at the look in the General’s gaze. Sadness lingers there, as if he knows exactly what I’m going through. He dips his chin slightly in compassion. My throat squeezes, but I return the gesture.
A group of monks enter the beach through a narrow pass in between the rocky mountains. They wear long white robes with wide sleeves. In their hands rest three onyx bowls. Wordlessly,they shuffle towards the pyres, and three monks pause in front of each one.
Someone sobs. Not far from us stands Roman’s family. When we got here, I recognized them immediately—he got his height and striking facial features from his dad, but he has his mother’s eyes. Roman’s dad pulls his mom closer and cradles her head to his chest.
A young fae with braided hair stands between two adults. I never even learned Roman had a little sister. My stomach sours and I avert my gaze.
Can I even call him my best friend? Do I even have a right to be this heartbroken over losing him if I didn’t bother learning such an essential part of him?
Roman’s gaze softened a little. “I’m sorry Nightingale tortured you. I feel terrible about not helping you or at least telling you what was to come.”
I crossed my arms. “As you should.”
