“You’re unbearable. Come back to bed.”
I turn around. He offers me his hand. An invitation that’s extremely hard to resist. His large palm, long fingers, muscles shifting under his skin. An urge to run to him, bury my face in his chest, and never leave his side rises inside me.
I crave that so much it physically hurts.
After I lost Sagara, Kitajo became home, despite my best efforts to prevent that.One can’t help the way one’s heart feels. One can only control one’s mind.That’s one of the most valuable lessons Sagara taught me before she passed.
Slowly, I pad over to the bed. “Sadly, I can’t stay the night. My crew is waiting for me back at the studio. I’ve got some business to take care of.”
I stand over him lying in the bed. He is so handsome like this, without his leather armor, and weapons. His raven hair messily drapes around his shoulders and head instead of being tied in a high bun.
Kitajo’s dark eyes are serious when he says his next words. “I love you, Vera. I meant it the last time I said it to you, and I mean it now.”
I love you.
Those words coming from his lips are the thing I want to hear more than anything. Yet, they are the words that mean nothing in our world.
I walk away from him, towards the chair where my clothes hang. Slowly, I dress up.
“You can pretend you didn’t hear me. You can act like the words mean nothing. It won’t change a damn thing, Vera. I’m a warlord, born for blood and battle. I’ve led armies into hell, buried brothers-in-arms, stood against enemies who would gut the world if I let them. You think your silence will break me? Or force a change of heart? Let it cut. I’ll bleed for you. I’ll endure every cold glance, every retreat, every denial you throw at me. Because one day—one day—you’ll stop running. And when you do, I’ll be here, exactly where I’ve always been. Waiting.”
I close my eyes. I believe him. He means every word with his whole heart and soul.
“Maybe you’re the dumbest fae alive after all,” I say, facing him. “You’re an Ezkai General, the ruler of Ekios. The most powerful person in this country. I’m a Caetra. One to keep your bed warm, mind engaged, and soul satisfied. It doesn’t matter how you feel or how you think I feel. There is no such thing aslovein your world or mine.”
Kitajo knows I speak true—despite his many flaws, he’s intelligent as nobody I have ever met. However, early on in my profession I learned that sometimes strong feelings can cloud even the sharpest and brightest minds of great folk.
In a blink, Kitajo is out of bed. He closes the distance between us before I can turn to leave.
He cups my cheek. “You’re right. I’m the most powerful soldier in this country. Look at how much change I managed to accomplish with my reign in a hundred years. And I’m only getting started. Caetras are greatly respected in Ekios, you’re an ancient part of our society. And while laws forbid Ezkai Generalsto have a family of their own, I’m nottechnicallyforbidden to marry.”
Marriage?I shake my head. He is out of his damn mind.
“Your one and only love is your country and your people, Kitajo. That’s the responsibility you accepted when you won the trials and became the Ezkai General,” I say. “Enough of this nonsense.”
When I turn to leave, Kitajo doesn’t stop me. I’m grateful for it. I’m not sure how much longer I would be able to resist him.I love you, too.Those words dance at the very tip of my tongue, but the fear that seizes my chest prevents them from spilling out my lips.
Just as I am about to shut the bedroom door behind me, his last words reach my ears: “One day, Vera dearest, one day. We have nothing but time. And I have patience.”
CHAPTER FIVE
PHOENIX
Southeast of Jaakii, not far from the city, there’s a small cove with clear blue water and a pebbled beach. It’s tiny. Intimate. Private.
Steep dark rock mountains loom on one side, the vast deep sea on the other. My eyes trained on the horizon, I watch the sun lazily sink into the dark waters in front of me.
I’m not alone. Daegel stands right next to me. Many others are here, too.
On the edge of the beach, where the black pebbles meet the crashing waves, sit three carved boats with tall pyres inside. On top of the middle pyre is where Roman’s supposed to rest.
My best friend.
He should be there, with his eyes closed, hands peacefully folded across his chest, looking as if he’d just lain down for a nap. As if at any moment, his eyes might snap open and find mine.
But his body is not there. It’s lost somewhere in the depths of dark waters stretching ahead of us.
Nobody could retrieve the bodies lost in the sea after the mission went haywire.
