It was the second time I’d found myself watching her so blatantly, yet I felt no sexual pull toward her, and I was happy with that.
No part of her demanded my attention, and that was proof of how much stronger I was than her constant provocations.
“You and I are not friends,” I said pointedly. I looked back at her and caught her staring at me. I was sitting there on the couch covered in cuts and bruises, and, still, she was looking at me like she’d never seen a shirtless man in sweatpants before.
“We could always become friends.” She crossed her arms over her chest and blew a bubble with the gum I hadn’t even noticed her chewing.
This ballsy attitude of hers was unbearable.
“Never. I don’t give a fuck about being your friend.” I raised my voice before another stab of pain made me lean my head back on the sofa and breathe deeply. I stared at the ceiling and tried to get a grip.
Calm down.I needed to stay calm.
“You’re pissier than usual today.” She glanced around in a bored sort of way, infusing her words with all the confidence she was trying to hold on to.
I started pondering ways to get her to run away from me and the pool house. It wouldn’t be hard to come up with something evil enough to wound her.
“Do you hear yourself? You’re talking about me like you know me,” I said derisively, trying to ignore the way my body was screaming in pain.
Megan stopped looking around, and her green eyes homed in on the dismissive expression on my face.
“Do you know what I see when I look at you?” she asked, seemingly at random as she stared me down. “I see a man who has failed to overcome his past, someone who has obliterated himself by letting his memories defeat him. The same memories he reenacts by having sex with different women, believing that they will be the solution to all his problems. I see a man who is unable to admit even to himself that he is trying to self-destruct. Someone using only his body to communicate because he’s too afraid that his own feelings might wound him. I see a good, smart man who has armored himself to hide his weaknesses because the truth is, he is incapable. He is incapable of healing himself and, most of all, of loving himself.”
The corner of her mouth curled up defiantly, and I was frozen, staring at her.
I could try to pretend otherwise, but as much as I hated to admit it, she’d gotten me good.
I got up, unexpected strength flowing from my head to my legs, and approached her, still holding my stomach tightly. I let myself loom over her. I knew her intentions: She was trying to provoke me into a reaction and now I was going to do the exact same thing to her.
“And how about what I see when I look at you?” I murmured in a diabolical tone. Megan gulped, and finally, I saw her confident facade falter. But that wasn’t enough for me: I was going to make it collapse entirely.
I took another step forward until her face was even with my chest, and then I inclined my head slightly to look into her eyes. It was there that I would find every fear I needed to seriously injure her. “I see a woman who thinks she’s gotten over her past but, in reality, still bears the scars. I see a woman who is always dressed in black, in her best bad-girl cosplay. A woman who hasn’t been in a relationship with a man in God knows how long because she can’t stand to be touched. Do you think I haven’t been paying attention to you all these years? Do you think I’ve failed to notice how avoidant and untrusting you are?” I whispered, never taking my eyes off hers, which were now growing stormy with a feral rage that she was struggling to control.
“How long has it been since you actually slept with a man? How long since you had a normal relationship? How many nights have you dreamed about Ryan? How many more do you spend imagining his hands on your body?” I asked, feigning curiosity and she stared hard at my chest rather than continuing to look at my face.
“You can fool your shrink and mine, but you can’t fool me,” I concluded. A little tremor in her shoulders told me how powerful my words had been. I’d rubbed her face in the truth, a truth that no one could ever understand better than me.
Just for a moment, her fears surfaced, but Megan shoved them back down immediately, faking a smile as she did.
“It really gets you off, hitting people in their weak spots, doesn’t it?” She recovered her air of self-assurance immediately and lifted her chin in challenge. I might win the battle, she was saying, but she wouldn’t let me win the war.
“Just as much as it gets you off, hitting my weak spots,” I answered in kind, taking a step back from her.
Megan advanced on me, raising herself up on her tiptoes until she could reach my ear. For a moment, her breasts were pressing against my chest, and her hips lined up perfectly with mine. I found myself between her thighs.
“Let me tell you a secret,” she said in a sensual whisper. “You are undoubtedly a difficult man, Miller, but I’ve already been through hell, and I’m not afraid of any devils. Least of all you.” Her warm breath caressed my shoulder, then she pulled back from my ear and smiled. Instinctively, I looked down at her full lips.
After a moment, I shook myself and stepped back again, putting more necessary distance between us.
“Don’t play with me, Megan, because if I start playing with you, you’re going to get hurt for real,” I warned her sternly. She was smart; she would understand what I meant.
A derisive smile twisted her lips, and then, without another word, she turned and walked resolutely out the door.
8
I blamed it on his eyes.
Selene
