“You’re not wearing a bra; you know what that does to me,” he murmured into my mouth, ignoring my question. He continued to kiss me and snuck a hand under my shirt to fondle me. I gasped, and his powerful, aroused body was plastered entirely against mine, letting me feel the hardness between his thighs. My heart pounded furiously in my chest, goosebumps rippling over my skin, but I felt tense. Too tense.
Did he think he could just come and go whenever he wanted? Did he think that a domineering attitude and good looks were enough to make me forget what had happened?
“No, wait…” I groaned in pain when his hand moved too roughly on my breast, squeezing it in his hot palm until it felt like a balloon ready to burst. “Neil,” I said brokenly, managing to drag my lips away from his, which immediately slid down to my neck. Then Mr. Disaster wrapped my hair around his fist and pulled back, forcing me to expose my throat for his pleasure. He licked and sucked greedily at the skin, dragging anothermoan out of me. After a moment of pleasure, however, I came to my senses.
“Neil, I said no!” I pushed him hard and watched him stagger back. A puzzled look came over his face as I watched him, breathless. Instinctively, I touched a finger to my swollen lips.
“What’s your problem? Are you rejecting me? Seriously?” He ran his hand through the unruly hair on top of his head and looked earnestly at me, waiting for an answer.
“What’smyproblem?” I echoed, still gasping for air. “You didn’t even say hello! I’m not a blow-up doll, Neil!” I raised my voice, and he frowned like he couldn’t tell if I was serious or not.
“It was just a fucking kiss; I wasn’t going to rail you up against the wall. Chill out.” He looked me top to bottom, his expression condescending.
“You disappeared and left me with nothing but a crappy Post-it note on my desk. How dare you just barge into my home and demand my attention like nothing happened? Huh?” I straightened my T-shirt furiously when I noticed that he was staring at my breasts again. “And look at my face when I’m talking to you!” I ordered, enraged. I was so incredibly disappointed by his behavior and even more so by his incredible arrogance about it.
“First of all, chill out,” he repeated scornfully, looking me in the eye. “I don’t take orders from anyone, least of all you. Also, you shouldn’t get so worked up over a kiss. The last few times we were together, you practically served it up on a platter, and I was the one who didn’t give in.” He gave me a thin, mocking smile, and I stared at him in bewilderment.
I was going to kick him; I knew it.
“You are such a dick!” I spat at him.
“Because I kissed you just now or because I haven’t fucked you in so long?” He cocked an eyebrow and dug his teeth into his lower lip, extremely entertained by the entire situation.
“Enough with this shit, Neil. Since you’re here, we need to get a few things straight. Sit down.” I gestured toward the couch, and his gaze followed my hand, though his face remained just as smirky.
“Hmm. Feeling aggressive today, huh, Tinkerbell? I have to say, I wasn’texpecting this welcome.” He winked at me and didn’t move an inch. That’s when I completely lost my cool.
“Goddammit, stop being an asshole for five minutes! And if you can’t do that, then you better get your ass out that door before I kick you out. And I won’t be gentle about it. Is that clear?” I shouted, gesturing at the door behind him and watching his smile fade, replaced by the familiar shadow that moved across his eyes. He gave me that bleak stare of his, black pupils catching the light.
“Watch it, Selene,” he warned me in a low, serious tone. I shuddered and gulped like I was trying to swallow a handful of nails.
“You need to listen to me for once,” I said, more calmly and, unfortunately, less decisively. Neil sat reluctantly on the sofa’s armrest, crossing his own arms over his chest.
“All right, hit me with your bullshit…” He sighed and I tried to ignore his inexplicably obnoxious attitude. He was acting jumpy, bored, and even annoyed with me.
“My bullshit?” I shot back, offended. I made sure to keep some physical distance between us. “You’re the one who ghosted me with a Post-it note. You do get that, right?” My shoulders slumped, and I sighed heavily. I needed to calm down, or we’d never find a solution to our myriad problems.
“Yes and I think the reason why I did that is pretty clear…”
“Do you think I’m in love with you?” I folded my arms over my chest and adopted a confident stance. “I’m not. So you can rest assured—I just misspoke that night,” I lied, although I didn’t know whether or not Neil would believe me. He was too smart not to at least suspect I was feeding him a flimsy explanation.
“Okay. In that case, I accept your apology,” he said with a shrug.
“I didn’t apologize,” I said, bemused.
“You should, though. The word ‘love’ is offensive to me,” he answered, staring back at me with his usual stern glower.
“But I didn’t say that to you,” I said impatiently, and he gave a slow, amused head shake. “And, besides, you are the one who should be apologizing,” I went on, and Neil stood up and began walking toward me. I tooka step back. Each time he advanced on me like a big cat, it made me feel like small and helpless prey.
“I’ll never do that. You knew from the start the kind of guy I was.” He stopped just a few inches from me and looked probingly into my face.
“You need to stop playing with me,” I told him firmly, and his forehead wrinkled in confusion. I didn’t know how else one could possibly interpret our situation, however.
“Do you seriously think I’m playing with you?” he asked, puzzled, and I just nodded in conviction. “Your father thinks I’m a criminal, a delinquent, or worse, some psychopath. I haven’t spoken to him since he found out about us, and now I’m standing here with the knowledge that he may very well kill me if he finds out I’m seeing you, and you think I’m playing a game with you? To what end?” He stood rigid and gave me a stormy look, annoyed by my question.
“I don’t know!” I burst out. “You won’t open up to me, and I can’t figure you out!” I flung my arms wide in exasperation, and he grinned. I didn’t see anything particularly funny in the situation, but Neil obviously did.
“I’m not playing with you. Whatever I’m doing with you is so real that it’s got me completely turned around…” He cupped my face in his hands, and I sucked in a breath. It was incredible how one burning touch was enough to completely shake me. Neil pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes, maybe trying to soothe whatever was torturing him deep inside. But I shook my head and pulled his hands away from me. I knew how screwed up he was; I also knew that I should try to understand him. But understanding didn’t mean allowing him to walk all over me whenever he felt like it.
