Neil believed in silence; that was true. It had been wrong to confess my feelings to him. I should have loved him wordlessly. Maybe he’d only be able to believe in my love when he felt it inside himself without me needing to say anything at all.
I felt more peaceful by the time I got home; talking to my friends had been really helpful. I joined my mother in the kitchen with a smile on my face, which only got wider when I caught the smell of cherry pie—my favorite—in the air. Content, I flopped down in a chair.
“You’re a fantastic mom,” I complimented, looking fondly at her colorful apron and matching oven mitt.
“Don’t think you’re going to flatter your way out of talking to me about…the thing,” she murmured, stooping to pull the fully baked pie from the oven. I knew perfectly well that “the thing” meant Neil and me. My mother still didn’t like knowing that I hadn’t confided in her, but she couldn’t understand how embarrassing it would have been to tell her about my pseudo-relationship. “I’m not jumping with joy at the knowledge that you and Mia’s son were—or are—in a relationship, just to be clear,” she said in a firm, authoritative voice. “But it’s done now. You’re an adult, and I want you to make your own choices and take responsibility for them.” She sighed as she began cutting the pie into slices, depositing them on our plates.
“And, for the record, I sincerely hope you used protection every time. I don’t want a grandchild before you graduate from college! Remember that!”
My eyes bugged slightly as I coughed at the unexpected direction this conversation had taken.
Ever since Neil left, my mother had done nothing but ask me intrusive questions and make all sorts of insinuations. She was perpetually on edge and it was really annoying me.
“Mom!” I raised my voice, my face flushed with obvious embarrassment, but she just turned to look at me with one eyebrow arched. “Can we please not talk about this?” I mumbled, my cheeks fully aflame, and, mercifully, she didn’t keep going. “Hey, aren’t you going to that spa tomorrow with Betty and your other friends for her birthday?” I asked, changing the subject entirely.
“Yes, though I’m not quite sure about leaving you here on your own for two days,” she said uncertainly, untying the apron strings to pull it off.
“Oh my God, I am not a child! I can survive forty-eight hours without you.” I made a sassy face at her, and she looked back at me sternly. “Plus, Betty is your best friend. She wants to spend time with you and the other ladies. You’ve all known each other for years, and it means a lot to her that you’re there,” I added, balancing my chin on my palm and waiting for my mother to sit down so we could have our favorite dessert together.
“Yes, but—” she began, and I shook my head, cutting her off.
“No buts. You’re going,” I told her seriously, and she smiled but did not, I noted, give me confirmation. She was definitely still too worried about me, and I didn’t want her to neglect her personal life because of it.
***
As I lounged quietly on the sofa the next day, I watched my mother come down the stairs with a small overnight bag. After much back-and-forth, she had apparently decided that she was going to celebrate Betty’s birthday with her at the spa, and I wanted to make sure she enjoyed her trip to the fullest.
“I’m still not sure about this,” she said huffily as she approached me.
“Mom, you’ll be right back here tomorrow night. It’s one night.” I rolled my shoulders and leaned back against the armrest, stretching my legs out in front of me.
“I know, but I still don’t like it. I’ve already told Mrs. Kamper next door,and she says you can come to her if you need anything. I’m probably going to call you once every half hour, so you’d better answer,” she ordered firmly, making me grin.
“Have fun. I’ll go to school tomorrow, and I won’t even notice you’re gone.” I rolled my eyes at her, and she made a face.
“You’re almost too affectionate, sweetheart,” she teased.
“You know I adore you.” I got up off the couch and walked over to hug her.
Yet even her love couldn’t fill the emptiness I had inside me caused by Neil and his incomprehensible behavior. I tried not to let my misery show, though, until after my mother had left.
Once I was alone, I noticed my stomach was growling, so I went into the kitchen and poked around in the refrigerator. I saw that it was almost empty and realized I should have gone shopping, but I didn’t feel like going out. So I shut the door with a huff and went up to my room to take a shower. When I was done, I sighed at the bathroom mirror and wandered around the house wrapped in a towel, my messy hair pulled up into a loose bun. I was dripping all over the floor, but I didn’t care. Then I rifled through my dresser and got out a pair of white panties and some black leggings. I preferred to go without a bra because they were so damned uncomfortable, and I selected a plain cropped T-shirt that ended around my belly button. It had an odd little illustration of a monkey in the center of it.
“You look horrible.” I babbled at the jungle animal like he was going to respond to me, but I decided to wear it anyway.
I completed the look with a pair of fluffy slippers and went down to the living room, ready to enjoy my alone time. I winced when, almost immediately, the shrill sound of the doorbell interrupted the peace. I pricked up my ears because I knew I was alone in the house. So before I opened the door, I pulled aside the curtain in the window next to the door and peered outside. I couldn’t see anybody.
I waffled for a few moments about whether or not I should open the door, but curiosity got the better of me and I gave in.
My eyes opened wide as I spotted Neil in front of me. I went still—so still that I couldn’t even blink.
“How long does it take you to open a door?” His warm voice alone was enough to make a shiver pass through my lower belly. My eyes got stuck on his, just as bright and intense as they always were.
“Are you by yourself?” His question broke my temporary trance. I’d forgotten that he was still just standing there on the porch, because I was too busy checking him out. I was about to answer him when I saw his honey-colored eyes doing a similar slow inspection of my clothing. Neil paused to ogle my breasts, the stiffened nipples like hard pebbles underneath the thin material of my T-shirt.
“Well?” he prompted, sounding annoyed, and then advanced vigorously on me, filling all the air around me with the smell of him.
“What are you doing here? My mom isn’t home and—” But I didn’t get to finish because Neil slammed the door closed behind him, and I immediately found myself pressed up against the wall, enclosed by his much more powerful frame. His lips fell on mine and devoured me in the most overpowering way. He thrust his tongue into my mouth and lashed it like a whip, demanding I reciprocate. The tobacco taste of him mingled with the mint already on my tongue, but there was no care and no emotion. This kiss of ours was all desire, want, and hunger.
