“No, you owe me an explanation.” I managed to get to his arm and grabbed his sleeve to stop him. My fingers dug into the leather of his jacket, and Neil turned around. He looked at my hand, then at my face with the same dark expression. He didn’t want me touching him, but I didn’t care just then.
“Do you know what I’ve been through because of you?” I burst out. I could feel anger rising up from the depths of my heart like a river overflowing its banks, and the idea of avoiding a fight with him melted away. “I had a relationship that basically imploded. I got beaten up by Jennifer. I was mocked by the Krew while you had some random woman blow you right in front of me. I almost degraded myself by having a three-way with you and Jennifer on Halloween even though you knew full well how much I hatedher, and finally, my life was at risk because some masked psycho who is after you ran me off the road!” I shouted as he stared at me in disbelief.
His brows drew together, and he yanked his arm out of my grasp, leaning forward until he was an inch from my nose.
“Player?” he whispered in a voice I barely recognized. I hadn’t actually been planning to tell him the truth like this, and I immediately regretted it, but now that I’d said it, I couldn’t take it back.
“Yeah, it was him,” I confirmed, looking down. I could feel his sharpened gaze and heard how labored his breathing had gotten.
“And when the fuck were you going to tell me that?” He seized my chin and forced me to look at him. My eyes glittered with tears, and my lips trembled. I didn’t want to cry, but my emotions always got the best of me.
Neil must have seen it because his eyes changed, turning from sinister to warm. He slackened his hold and sighed. Then with a shake of his head, he drew me unexpectedly against him. He held me tight against his chest, and for a moment, I was dumbstruck. His scent surrounded me, as did the warmth of his very ordinary yet—coming from him—extremely intimate gesture.
“Do you see now why I don’t want you in my life?” he muttered into my hair, and I tilted my head back to look at him. I didn’t even have time to answer before Neil was kissing my forehead, right on my scar, and then moving down to the tip of my nose. Finally, he cupped my face in his hands and rubbed my cheeks with his thumbs while I stared spellbound at him.
“And you see that you can’t fight what you feel for someone? I know how it feels,” I whispered. It was the truth—I had the same feelings he did, and I knew how powerful, how irrational, and how irresistible they were. They were a force of instinct, not intellect, a blind, intense force that drew us together and wouldn’t let us stay apart. It was as though our bodies had chosen each other even before we did.
“And what do you feel?” he asked with a hint of mockery in his tone.
“So much. You feel like the object of your affection is always first in your thoughts, like you would do anything for him, and that brings out both the worst and best in you. You think he’s out of your league, and he scares you so much because he makes you feel things so intensely it’s like being sick,”I answered, snaking my arms around his waist as he cradled my face in his huge palms. He looked intently at me, as if considering what I’d just said, then gave me a chaste kiss on the lips, too fleeting for real pleasure, and smiled.
“You on this shit again, Tinkerbell? You know I can’t stand it when you get mushy,” he chided me sarcastically and walked around me, passing a hand through his thick hair. I stayed there, puzzled. Neil didn’t seem to understand how sincere my feelings were and apparently thought I was blowing hot air.
“You’ve confused sexual chemistry with something that doesn’t exist, Selene. I’m never going to stop telling you that.” He continued walking, putting more distance between us. Again.
“Are you kidding me? If I was merely attracted to you, I never would have tolerated all the unacceptable things you’ve done and…” I trailed off when Neil turned to face me, glowering, his gaze now shadowed with menace.
“And if I didn’t have this body, this face, my skills in the sack, would you be having those same fantastical emotions?” he sneered at me, gesturing to himself with a smug grin.
“Of course,” I answered firmly—he didn’t even need to ask, but he stepped back from me and shook his head.
“Such a liar,” he said, and there it was. He really didn’t believe me.
He turned his back on me and kept walking. And it occurred to me that the sensible explanation for his attitude had a name: Kimberly. She was the one who had twisted Neil’s mind, implanting lies in a child’s head that lingered even when he was grown. She was the one who had made him believe that all women were the same and, just like her, only wanted to use him. She was the reason he was so convinced that I was lying to him.
“Wait,” I said, trying and failing to catch up with him. “Neil. Slow down,” I pleaded, but he wasn’t listening, so I broke into a light jog until I pulled even with him. “Please stop!” I said, my hand grazing his arm, and he rounded on me, terrified. Inexplicably, he appeared to be genuinely frightened of me, and not because of what I’d just said. He was looking at me like I was some enormous monster ready to annihilate him, so I hunted for a way to calm him down. I needed something normal to talk about.
“Have you ever had a Coney dog?” I asked him, apropos of nothing. I felt truly insane for asking such a dumb question. Neil’s face scrunched in confusion, and he cocked his head to one side, giving me a look that was both thoughtful and bewildered. Even like that, he was beautiful, and that realization almost made me smile. Then, I chewed my lip awkwardly as I waited for his reaction. As his eyes slowly returned to the familiar color I loved so much, I breathed a sigh of relief.
“What?” he asked, surprised, so I cleared my throat and rephrased my suggestion.
“I’m hungry, so let’s get to the diner.” There, now that was a much more comprehensible offer.
“A… A…Coney dog?” he repeated while my eyes lingered on his full lips, which I had decided ought to be illegal. I somehow managed to pull myself away and focus on his question.
“Yeah. It’s like a hot dog with meat sauce, and they put mustard and onions on top—”
“I know what a fucking Coney dog is!” he burst out, and I flinched at his aggressive tone. I felt suddenly ashamed, and several seconds passed in which neither of us said anything. I tried not to cry while Neil put one hand on his hip and palmed his face with the other. When the silence got too unbearable, I erupted.
“I am trying to get along with you! I am trying to talk to you, to understand you, to reassure you; I’m doing everything I can, for God’s sake! But you are unmanageable!” I continued, having reached the limits of my tolerance. Neil watched me, dumbfounded, before heaving a sigh and ruffling up his hair.
“Okay, okay, calm down,” he murmured in surrender. “I have a shitty temper; I do realize that,” he admitted with his typical ease.
“I’m hungry, so I’m going to get something to eat. You can follow me, or you can go back to New York right now. You choose.” I gave him my ultimatum and pushed past him with a shoulder check that didn’t move him an inch. Still, I continued to strut briskly away.
Enough.
“Where are you going?” he called out behind me, but I didn’t turn around.
