“Oh, Selene, there you are,” my mother said, getting up from the sofa.
“We’ll probably be home around the same time Anton brings you back,” I offered, and she smiled, giving Neil an indecipherable look.
Had her opinion of him changed? I hoped so.
“Neil, are you staying with us tonight?” She spoke to him in a surprisingly fond tone.
“No, I’m fine getting a hotel. I don’t want to—” Neil began without any hesitation, but my mother just shook her head and steamrolled over him.
“You’ll stay here with us in the guest room,” she said cordially, and I wasn’t sure if she was pretending to welcome him or not.
What had happened while I was gone?
“Okay, but I think we should get going now,” I put in quickly. I grabbed my purse and slipped into my coat while Neil watched me steadily. He was probably wondering about my suddenly solicitous attitude, but I didn’t care. I just needed to get us away from the suddenly very dangerous Judith Martin.
I opened the door, and after telling my mother goodbye, I exited, followed by Neil. Shivering from the cold, I tucked myself deeper into my coat and looked up at the sky. There were still some big, dark clouds, and the air was biting cold, but the sleet had subsided, and the sidewalks didn’t seem too treacherous if you watched where you were stepping.
For a moment we both just stood there on the porch. We’d never gone out together in New York. But I was the one who had the bright idea of going out. I was very interested to know what Neil and my mother had said to each other while I was upstairs.
“Relax. Your mother just asked me about what school I went to, how old I am, and if I have any dreams I’m chasing.”
I turned to Neil as he spoke and saw that he already look prepared for the question I was about to ask him. His ability to always be able to read my mind was uncanny—it never changed.
“Did she ask…” I mumbled awkwardly. “Did she ask about us?” I finished, all in a rush as he reached into his jacket for his packet of Winstons.
“No, and if she had, I would have assured her that her baby girl was still a virgin,” he answered cheerfully, sticking a cigarette between his lips.
“You’re a dope.” I elbowed him gently, and he stared at me, shocked.
It occurred to me almost immediately that we didn’t joke like that—or, rather, we only had a few times—so I decided to be serious again and tried to look confident as I decided that I was going to lay down my weapons and try to put him at ease. I would get the chance to hash out everything that happened in New York later.
“Have you ever dated a woman?” I descended the porch steps, turning back to look at him. Neil still stood in the same spot, intent on lighting his cigarette. He tucked the lighter in his pocket and took his first drag as he walked toward me.
“No, and I’m not going to start with you either,” he groused, surly as ever. I cocked an eyebrow and smiled slightly as I kept walking. I led us toward the small diner that was kind of locally famous, even though it was totally unassuming.
“I’m guessing you’re here in Detroit because you regret all the hurtful things you said to me last time we met and you want to make it up to me,” I said archly, while he sped up to walk by my side. Recalling his cruel words didn’t bring me any joy, but I was trying to minimize them because I didn’t want to get into a fight. I had promised myself before that I would never judge him and try to understand him instead, even if it meant tolerating a disrespectful attitude.
“I don’t regret a damn thing,” he retorted. There were times when he sounded nothing short of puffed-up and pigheaded, and it was downright irritating.
“Oh no? So what are you doing here then?” I pressed. Despite the fact that I had just decided not to needle him too much, I wanted to understand what had prompted him to set aside his pride and come visit me.
I pushed my hands into my pockets, and we continued walking. Neil glanced around, avoiding my eyes, and I knew he was trying to hide his thoughts from me.
But I knew him now.
“What am I…” he said softly before cutting himself off. At the sound of his voice, I moved in front of him and stopped, preventing him from walking forward. Instead of going around me, he took one last drag, leaned down to stub out his mostly unsmoked cigarette, and stashed the butt in his Winston pack. “I’m here because I wanted to see you,” he said abruptly, staring at some random spot over my shoulder.
My heart did a ridiculous little flip at his words, and an instinctive smile spread across my face, but it faded immediately when I thought of another reason Neil might have wanted to see me.
“To use me?” I asked, giving the term he’d always used for our relationship. His golden eyes moved immediately to me, and I braced myself for one of his stinging retorts.
“To be with you,” he said softly and quite unexpectedly before speeding up to get away from me. He didn’t want me to know his motivations; he didn’t want me to see what he was thinking in that moment. But this time, I was determined not to give up so easily. In spite of the sidewalk conditions, I walked faster, trying to keep up with his long strides.
“Explain,” I told him between pants. Neil was walking too fast with no consideration for me.
“There’s nothing to explain,” he snapped, and I snorted.
Why did it have to be so hard to talk to Neil?
