She was in the sped-up beating of my heart, in the pulse throughout my body; she was in the sweat that snaked down my forehead and my panting breath. She was in the eyelids that I kept clamped shut so I wouldn’t see, the lips that parted to let out sighs I couldn’t control. She was in the groans, in my submission and coercion.
She was in everything except Neverland.
There, I was alone.
Kimberly would never be able to reach me there.
I left my body behind and took refuge in a place that didn’t exist.
I tried to protect my soul.
I created a parallel world, an illusion that could save me.
Like I did every time.
Only when the torture was finally finished did I come back to the real world and open my eyes again.
Invariably, I found myself naked and sweaty on the couch because she had used me again the way she always did.
“I remember…” I took a drag from the cigarette and blew out the smoke, bending one knee so I could balance my elbow on it. With a sigh of sadness, the Boy rested his head on my shoulder.
His touch was cold but gentle.
“You won’t forget me, will you?” he whispered fearfully, leaning away to look at me. I took one last drag and then ground out the butt in an ashtray. Normally, I was a clean freak, but in that moment, I couldn’t care about anything.
“I could never,” I answered defeatedly, not looking at him.
I would have liked to forget about him, about my abuse, and about my childhood. I wanted to forget about Kimberly and even Peter Pan, but I never could.
The past was going to hang on to me forever, hindering my future and making my present into a living hell.
That was my reality, and I needed to accept it and learn to live with it. After all, I was a grown man and knew all too well that Neverland couldn’t save me anymore.
12
The connection between us was undeniable and we both knew it.
Selene
I ran to my room.
I was still wearing my dress from the night before, and I hoped I wouldn’t bump into anyone.
It would have been a disaster if Matt had found out.
I arrived at my destination without incident, though, and locked myself inside, resting my back against the door.
My cheeks were still burning. I’d felt so perverse the previous night. It was incredible watching his muscles flex, feeling his thrusts against my breasts, seeing the look of ecstasy on his face, and hearing his guttural groans.
Neil was always sexy. Shameless and glorious, a true sex fiend. I smiled and covered my face with my hands. Thinking about certain things still embarrassed me, despite everything we’d done together. He’d even invited me to sleep with him and, when I woke up, I found him with his head between my thighs, a hairsbreadth away from my sex, ready to pleasure me.
Neil was gorgeous first thing in the morning, obviously. I lingered for a long time on his perfect face. The full lips curved into a mischievous smile, the chestnut eyelashes framing golden eyes, the messy hair I loved to runmy fingers through, and the little wrinkle he always got in the middle of his forehead when he was particularly pensive.
As always, he was too complicated for me figure out.
First he tried to kick me out; then he asked me to stay.
I learned a little more about him and I knew that trust was a precious commodity for him. He allowed me to have little bits of him, only in small doses, so I would be too eager for what he did offer to demand more from him.
