She’d already gone through so much recently, and here I was, the giant asshole who hadn’t even asked her how she was doing. Even though I’d thought about her every day, I hadn’t wanted to show her the attention she really deserved.
“I’m going, okay? I’m leaving. I’m putting a stop to this, Neil!” She raised her voice, getting angrier and angrier. “And you have to let me get dressed.” Was she seriously thinking she’d just put her indecent little dress back on and walk out of my pool house? Sure, that was what she wanted to do and what I wanted her to do, but…
“Shut up, baby. Shut up.” I grabbed her and pulled her into me. I wrapped one arm around her sides, and the other I ran along the back of her neck. Her face pressed against my bare chest. She was freezing cold, and I would have tried to warm her up, but Selene went stiff and did not return my embrace. She was motionless as it dawned on her that I was…hugging her.
I couldn’t believe it myself.
Was I really hugging her?
It wasn’t my style at all. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d given someone a hug.
An endless moment passed while we both took stock of the situation. Then, Selene slowly put her trembling arms around me and pressed her cheek to my chest. I could hear her sobs, and her tears washed over her and me both. They were sweet and sticky like cotton candy. It was the thing I hated most: making someone cry.
Selene wrecked herself against me and allowed herself to be hugged. Ormaybe I was the one who was being hugged—I had no idea what the fuck was going on anymore.
“I’m not going to apologize,” I clarified again.
I wouldn’t do it because I wanted to save her from me, to push her away and give her the chance to choose someone better. My desire for her was becoming more and more explosive, triggering more insane outbursts, but that didn’t mean that I was her man. And she was not my woman. We were not a couple.
I rubbed the back of her neck with one hand, slipping my fingers into her hair while the other remained on the soft skin of her back. Babygirl smelled so good, intense, and irresistible.
“Shh, enough.” I wanted her to stop blubbering, but I had no idea how to console her. I wasn’t good at that sort of thing. Selene let out a deep breath and, little by little, began to calm down, though she did continue to cling to me. And then the inevitable happened: a long, lethal exchange of glances.
What did she want me to do?
Did she want me to sleep on my pain?
Did she want to burn along with me?
What do you want, Tinkerbell?
Do you want to hold my hand while we fly elsewhere?
But my wings got ripped. Where did she expect me to go with her?
What did she really want? Did she want to kiss me, or bite me, or burn me?
Did she want to love me the way Kim had?
Neither of us said anything. We didn’t need to. I stared at the reddened tip of her nose, her swollen lips, and shining eyes. On instinct, I planted a kiss right there on her pert little nose before sinking down to her mouth; I left another chaste, fleeting kiss there too. Her lips were warm, soft as silk, and wet with her tears. With this vivid bit of sweetness, I was letting her know how much I wanted her, while Selene thought I was preparing to fulfill both of our fantasies. But there was something inexplicable that kept me from unleashing the beast within me and urged me to lock him up tight, lest I give in to temptation.
“Do you want to stay here tonight?” I wanted her to stay with me, to spend more time with her. Selene wiped away her tears with the back of her hand, and I cupped her face, looking deep into her eyes.
“Here?” She sounded surprised. I was also surprised, but I had realized by that point that I was no longer in control of my thoughts.
Selene made too much noise inside my head.
“You don’t want to leave. So…” I trailed off. I was actually suggesting that she stay and spend the night with me, so there was really no more to explain. I shocked myself. I never slept—literally slept—with a woman unless I was really drunk. If they tried to stay the night with me, I’d kick them out. Sleeping next to a woman was an act of faith, an extremely personal and intimate one. I could only see it as putting my unconscious body at the mercy of a woman who might do anything to me.
Selene looked around, casting a thoughtful glance at the couch.
“Okay, I’ll sleep here. You take the bedroom,” she answered, a sour note in her voice. She didn’t want to sleep in the bed where I’d fucked other people.
I watched Selene vacillate. All her questions about me rose up in my mind, making me feel uncomfortable in my skin the way I had since I was a child. Then, Babygirl turned abruptly away from me and plopped down on the couch, looking tired and cold. Once seated, she looked first at her dress abandoned on the floor and then at me. Although her face usually kept no secrets from me, this was not a situation to which I was accustomed. So I was in trouble.
“Do you… Do you have anything I can borrow?” She bit her lower lip, and I looked at her, horrified. I looked at her like she was some enormous monster crowding my pool house when, in reality, she looked like a tiny fairy.
“Women never wear anything of mine,” I answered. If she thought I was going to break one of my nonnegotiable rules, she was dead wrong. Instead, I found a woolen blanket and tossed it to her.
