Matthew stirred faintly, mouth twitching as his one good eye opened.
“Theo…” his voice sounded torn, raspy.
I leaned in immediately, my hand reaching to brush damp hair from his forehead.
“I’m here.” I whispered “you’re safe.”
“Doesn’t feel like it.” He wheezed back.
I smiled despite the burn in my throat “you’re just being dramatic.”
Stryker crossed his arms tightly “this never should have happened. This- they had absolutely noproof, goddamn it-“
“I’m fine.” Matthew breathed, though he so very clearly wasn’t “just…hurts to breathe. To talk.”
I took his hand gently “then don’t speak. You’re okay. I’m sorry, Matt. I’m so sorry. I love you. I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” He replied “can you lie with me?”
As if I could ever say no to him. I nodded, tears streaming as I curled myself around him.
I met Stryker’s gaze. He shook his head once. My whole body shuddered. I didn’t want to think about it. Icouldn’tthink about it.
“I…” he crouched beside Matt, putting a hand on his shoulder “I’m gonna leave you Theo, okay? I-“ his voice broke and he had to clear his throat before continuing. I buried my face in Matthew’s shoulder in a pointless attempt to stop crying- it didn’t work, if anything it made it worse.
“I’ll be back for him in the morning.” He whispered, blinking furiously to prevent his own emotions from showing “okay?”
“Okay.” Matthew croaked, shifting slightly beneath me “look after him.”
I wasright hereand sure as hell didn’t need looking after right now.
“Course.” Stryker whispered, shakily standing “good-“ he swallowed hard “goodnight.”
“Night, S.” I sniffled back.
I spent the rest of the night with him, mumbling ‘I love you’ over and over again.
Matthew told me that he was scared. That he didn’t want to leave me. I thought that hearing him say that caused me the worse pain I’d ever felt, reducing me to a sobbing mess for the hundredth time that night.
I’d been wrong.
The worst pain I’d ever felt and everwouldfeel was waking up to Matt’s completely still and cold body beside me in the morning.
CHAPTER 37
Theo
When Stryker came in, the numbing shock gave it’s way to unbearable grief. I stood frozen for a minute, eyes locking with his. A shuddering breath left my lips, in such a rush I felt light-headed. I put a hand on the wall, trying to plant my feet, trying to think, but the world was turning too quickly, and I was spinning, spinning, spinning-
My legs gave out and I gasped convulsively, grabbing for the chair beside me, but my foot hit the chair leg, and it crashed to the floor along with my knees. I sobbed, the noise catching in my throat, horrible and raw. I was shaking so hard my arms almost gave out from under me. Then, suddenly, there was someone tugging me into a tight, unyielding embrace, hands coming up to grip me by the neck, digging into bone-stiff muscle.
"It's okay,"
Stryker said, voice low and so damn gentle.
"It's okay, man."
"It's not-it's not goddamn-" I sobbed into Stryker's shoulder, words burning around the lump in my throat. "Everything that- I should've-I-should've kept him awake, I- it's on-" the words stopped coming, dissolving into a frenzy of pained noises. It took me a second to realise the noises were coming from me. I felt Stryker loosen his arms around me, and I couldn't help my hands twisting into his shirt, holding onto him shakily.
