I nod, brushing his tears off with one hand and pushing away the hair sticking to his forehead with the other. “I’m here. Everything is fine now. It was just a nightmare.”
His terrified expression softens as he registers my words. He slowly leans his forehead against my chest, embracing my waist. His grip on me is almost desperate, nails digging into my side as though he fears I may disappear if he lets go. Instinctively, I wrap my arms around his shoulders and stroke his back like I used to with-
This again? Why do I keep thinking about this familiar presence? Lately, I’ve been feeling so many déjà vus to the point it’s becoming annoying.
I feel him inhale my scent as the tension in his body fades and he melts into my touch.
“Sorry,” he mutters so softly that I barely catch it.
“It’s okay.” I stroke his head while he nuzzles against my chest. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He shakes his head, slowly detaching himself from me and I instantly feel the loss of his warmth. “Just need you here.”
“Do you want me to sleep next to you?” I ask, cupping his cheeks and he leans into my palm, nodding faintly.
I climb into the bed next to him and lay my head down on the second pillow as he settles back down on the mattress. I almost forgot I’m not wearing anything under this damn bathrobe and I’m becoming awfully aware of it now. But Andrew needs me right now, so I won’t fuss about a bit of embarrassment.
We remain silent, staring at each other in the pitch-black room barely illuminated by the fragmented rays of moonlight shining through the sides of the curtains.
“Thank you,” he mutters, attempting a smile. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”
I gently brush a dried-out tear from the corner of his eye and lift myself up to place a faint kiss on his cheek. “It’s nothing.”
Before I can lay back down, he cups my cheek and gently strokes it with his thumb. Lazily, his gaze drifts over my features like a cat gaping at a butterfly. Our lips hover over one another’s as my heart elicits a furious beat in my ribcage.
“No, it’s everything,” he whispers. “You’re everything.”
Our lips lock in a tender and unhurried kiss filled with comfort and warmth, unlike the lust I’m used to. His free hand finds its way at the back of my nape, his fingers stroking my sensitive flesh like a forgotten melody played on an ancient piano. Shudders run down my spine with each brush of his tongue exploring what his words couldn’t find.
I find myself inching closer to him, desperately wishing I could crawl into the hidden parts of his soul and take root inside, so nothing will ever tear me from him.
A current buzzes deep under the surface, murmuring sweet promises of eternal faith. The intensity of that need forces me to break the trance as I pant against his sweet lips.
No one has ever kissed me like that. I’ve never been touched with so much delicateness and filled with painful love and affection. Nor has anyone ever shown gratitude and loneliness through such doting and sincere gestures.
His eyes flutter open and meet mine, making me drown in an eternal sea of autumn leaves. “I love you.”
“Andrew…”
“I’ve never loved someone the way I love you.” He shifts under the covers, raising himself over me, his knee resting between my thighs. “I understand the meaning of life because I met you.”
My chest hurts. It constricts under his tender gaze and yet I relish this ache. It’s so different from what I usually feel when I’m wallowing in my own despair.
I feelalive. This ache means my heart is finally beating again. Not because it needs to pump blood to keep my body functioning, but because it canfeelhis love and has decided to answer him in a way my words could never.
He lays his weight on top of me, his torso pressed firmly against mine as he blesses me with another kiss. This time, it’s an apology and I wish I knew what he meant by that.
I reluctantly push him away, breathing hard and trying to regain my senses. “I’m sorry but we shouldn’t…”
“Don’t be.” He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’ll wait as long as it takes.” He places a final kiss on my greedy lips. “Can I hold you while we sleep? I’m scared I’ll have another nightmare.”
I nod and snuggle up to his firm, bare chest when he lays down on his side, relishing the sensation of his muscular arms wrapping around my shoulders and holding me caged in his embrace as he murmurs a faint thank you in my ear.
This feeling is so foreign and yet oddly familiar as though during a part of my life this is how I slept every night.
Feeling wanted and cherished.
But that’s how I know it’s a figment of my imagination because I haven’t been held for the mere purpose of sweet comfort in more than sixteen years.
