“But am I wrong?”
He snorts. “Nah. You’re too successful for me to contradict you. Anyone would wanna be you.” He points his chopsticks at me and grins. “Multi-millionaire, international best-selling author with good looks and a great personality. Though you’re an ass sometimes. No offense.”
“None taken.” I laugh. “He can envy me as much as he wants to as long as it doesn’t get in the way of my work. This project is important to me, and his meddling because he thinks I’m too young–or whatever–is just going to make things difficult.”
“Mr. Williams isn’t gonna let anyone influence him,” he says. “You’ve got the boss wrapped around your finger.”
“Don’t say that. I’m getting goosebumps.”
“But why are you always addressing Derek so politely?” he asks. “He sure as hell doesn’t bother with formalities. You can’t imagine how many times I’ve told him to mind his words.”
My shoulders sag. “He’s well respected in the field, and I don’t see the point in going out of my way to be rude. Sure, he’s a jerk, but in the end, see where he’s standing?”
“No, where?”
“Behind me,” I smirk. “No one has ever seen him talk shit to my face, after all. He can dislike me as much as he wants to, but as long as I excel at my job, he cannot complain about me.”
Dixon bursts out laughing, and I join him as he hits his chest to force his noodles down. “You’re so right, dude.”
Biting into my sandwich, I almost choke when he asks, “So what’s up with you and Jason? Why’s he so prickly lately? He’s been clingy, too.”
I swallow hard and smack my torso to make it go down faster. Wow, that stuff actually works. “He’s an asshole, and he better start minding his business before I shove my fist into his face.”
Dixon leans back, raising a brow. “Did y’all argue again?”
“The fuck you mean ‘again’? It’s not like we argue all the time.” I frown. “You make it sound like it’s a common occurrence. Sure, he gets on my nerves like no one else, but come on, more often than not, we’re fine.”
He shrugs. “If you say so.”
“Don’t act smart with me, you pineapple head.”
Stroking his perfect afro, he flips me off. “Leave my divine hair out of this.”
“You and your fabulous hair.”
He grins proudly. “You can’t deny that it’s majestic.”
I roll my eyes and laugh at how meticulously he caresses his hair. I must admit thatit isincredible. With the insane amount of time he spends caring for it, I’d be surprised if it weren’t perfect.
***
New York City is bustling at night, and the lights shine brighter than the stars, completely engulfing any sight of them.
I’m exhausted from such a short day that I just want to bury myself under the blankets and sleep for an eternity. No one will miss me during the few hours I’m out of reach.
A rhythmic beat pulsates through my temple, making me frown. I haven’t eaten anything since lunch, nor drank any water, to be honest. I don’t bother wondering what could possibly cause my headache, as if it weren’t obvious.
The pills must’ve worn off by now, so I reach for another set I hid in the drawer. I can’t count how many pills I take on a daily basis. Probably more than I should, but my head is always killing me.
If it isn’t my head, it’s my heart.
I hate and love silence because I can hear my heartbeat louder than the fan on the ceiling. It’s peaceful despite reminding me I’m alive.
I lay my palm over my chest and feel how my ribcage rises with every breath and vibrates with every pulse under my fingers. I stare at the ceiling and the turning fan. The dim ember light gives the room an appeasing yet lonely atmosphere.
Despite being bored out of my mind, I don’t necessarily want to meet or talk to anyone, but I don’t want to be alone either. It’s not solitude that I fear; it’s the sensation of my body’s weight doubling, and the knowledge that if I allow my thoughts to wander, I won’t recover.
Loneliness seeps through the cracks of my carefully crafted façade of confidence and joy, reminding me that unless I’m useful, I’m worthless. If my existence doesn’t contribute to someone’s comfort and happiness, I should just bury myself in a meadow for eternity. Maybe I should let the soil root itself into my flesh and cleanse the rotten parts that have controlled my life for as long as I can remember.
