He shakes his head, visibly not believing me.
“I would never judge you or be mad at you. It doesn’t matter what you do, okay?” I press a soothing kiss on his temple. “I’m always on your side.”
His gaze softens as he lets himself sink into my arms. “Promise it.”
“Promise what?”
“That you’ll always be on my side. That you’ll always love me no matter what.”
I kiss his nose and smile. “I promise. Now and forever.” His breath against my nape tickles and I giggle despite myself. “You’re such a big baby sometimes.”
He slowly detaches himself from me but lingers so closely that I can smell the faint fragrance of mint on his breath. His irises darken as his hands grasp mine and places them on his cheeks.
“I’m a man, Aoi. When will you start seeing me as one?”
I gawk at him, surprised by the way his voice subtly went down an octave. His gaze burns a hole through my face.
I suppose every teenager tries to appear older, but I thought only those that are treated like kids act that way. Maybe I have been babying him too much lately and he’s grown sick of it.
I laugh and squeeze his cheeks. “I’ma man.You’rea teenager that wants to act like a grown man. Nuance.”
He heaves a sigh and lets go of my hands before getting up, leaving me on the floor. “Sometimes I wish you’d be less clueless,” he mumbles and walks away, closing the bedroom door behind him.
***
Less than an hour later we’re sitting on the couch, watching a movie with the curtains closed and chips resting in my lap. He keeps his distance and his fingers fidget in his lap. I don’t know what he’s so nervous about, but I can’t stand this tension anymore.
“Listen I’m sorry for earlier. Don’t avoid me and pout in your corner.” I lower the bowl of chips on the coffee table. “I didn’t mean to upset you. You know that, right?”
He peeks up from his fingers, taken aback. “I’m not upset. I’m just lost in thought.”
I don’t believe a single word. How can he sit there and claim he’s not upset as if that’s not a huge lie? Especially, when he’s massacring the corners of his fingertips like they’re on death row.
Didn’t we talk about how communication is key and that if he doesn’t tell me how he’s feeling I can’t read his freaking mind?
I reach for his hand. “Don’t hurt yourself. Tell me what’s wrong.”
He sucks in a shaky breath, biting his bottom lip. “I want to spend more time with you. I feel like I won’t get to do much with you anymore,” he says, his voice lacking his usual resolve.
“Why not? I’m always going to be there,” I comfort, tracing circles on the back of his hand.
He sits back in silence before turning his entire body toward me, giving me his full attention. “Always?”
“Always.”
Something’s been wrong with him since yesterday. I can’t figure out what and even if I ask, I know he’ll dodge the hell out of my questions. So instead, I do what he needs from me. I pull him into my arms and hug him as he always begs me to.
“Don’t think too much. Just live in the present.”
He wraps his arms around me and almost jumps on me, pushing me backwards. My back hits the couch as he stares at me from above with a bright smile. I scan his features one by one. His honey-like eyes are my favorite in the world. When he smiles, they crease at the corners and sunflowers bloom around his irises.
Has he ever had thoughts about his sexuality? I first started noticing my attraction to men when I was around his age, it could be that he’s already wondered about it. If he has questions, will he feel comfortable enough to ask me about it? Would it be weird if I bring up the subject with him?
I grunt, playfully pushing him. “Get off you’re heavy.”
“Don’t wanna,” he counters, snuggling into my chest.
I pat his head as I speak, “I have a somewhat weird question to ask.”
