“Mhm?”
“Have you ever thought about your sexuality?”
He goes rigid instantly. After a few seconds of pure silence he nods against my chest, refusing to let me see his face.
“And what did you conclude? Not that you need to already have it all figured out. You have all the time in the world for that. I was just wondering if as a parent, I should touch on this subject with you at least once.”
I don’t expect him to know already. I’d be more surprised if at the age of fifteen, he’s already aware of exactly what he likes and doesn’t like and what kind of life he wants to live. These are too high expectations for anyone. Humans are ever-changing creatures after all. Even if he knows it all now, no one can predict whether he’ll still give the same answer in ten years.
“You won’t be grossed out, right?” he asks, slowly lifting himself up, yet still avoiding my gaze.
I grab his face, forcing him to look at me. “Who do you take me for? I’d never be grossed out by you.”
Visha leans into my touch, and I feel his cheeks heat up. “I think I like men,” he mumbles, his golden eyes darting from my face to the room. “Well, I likeaman.”
My eyes widen as my lips form a straight line. I didn’t expectthat, to be honest, but it’s fine either way. “Ah.”
“You think I’m gross. You do, oh my God I shouldn’t have said anything.” He gets off me as if I burned him.
I reach for his arm holding him close. “No! Of course not. Visha, I told you I wouldn’t think you’re gross. So, what if you like men? That’s okay you know.”
Is this the moment I come out to him? But I don’t want to. No one knows about me being gay, only Jason, and that’s how it should remain.
“I know that it’s okay,I know. I mean fundamentally I know that love is love but…I don’t want you to see me differently,” he confesses, averting his gaze at the closed curtains.
My heart clenches at the vulnerability he shows me with open arms. It’s more than I could hope for. I know how hard it is to come out and I basically forced him out of the closet.
Next time, shut the fuck up Aoi.
“You’ll always be the same sweet kid I brought home three years ago. That won’t ever change,” I assure, hoping to comfort him, but it seems to accomplish the opposite.
“I’m not a kid anymore. When will you stop treating me like one?!”
And here we go again with the same argument. “Christ Visha, what’s the problem with being called a kid? It’s not a crime, you know. Enjoy it while you still can. I’d kill to go back to being your age.”
He glares daggers at me and for a second, I think he’ll cuss me out or leave the room but instead he does the opposite.
34
Visha
I kissed him.
Was it impulsive? Yes. Do I regret it? Not yet.
The softness of his lips sends me into oblivion. I can’t get enough. I wantmore.
Aoi doesn’t move under me, he lays as still as a picture. So, I dare to slide my hand under his shirt and stroke his soft abs. Almost instantly, he violently shoves me away to get off the couch.
Fury and shock dance in the depth of his ocean eyes as he rubs his lips with the back of his sleeve. Slowly, I come to my senses and when the realization of what I just did settles in, I sink to my knees.
Aoi clutches his chest so tightly his knuckles turn white. “What the fuck was that? W-why did you do that?!”
Lethal poison drips from his tongue as he flees to put as much space between us as physically possible.
I open my mouth to apologize and explain myself. I have to tell him that I made a mistake, that I acted out of impulse. “Aoi-”
“Shut up. I don’t want to hear a word from you.” He holds his hand up, glaring, confused and furious.
