She let out a breath, and her hands loosened on my wrists.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered into her skin. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry for hurtin’ you. I never wanted this for us. I never wanted to lose you. I’m not signin’ no divorce papers, Toni. I mean that shit with my soul.”
She ain’t push me no more, but she ain’t lean back into me either. She just let me hold her, drained and quiet, her fingers still curled around my wrists like she didn’t know what to do with me.
I kissed her cheek, then her temple, then the side of her jaw. Every kiss felt like a promise and a plea.
“I’m comin’ back,” I whispered. “No matter what. You not losin’ me and I’m not losin’ you. I’m just givin’ you a minute to breathe.”
I slowly let her go even though my arms felt empty the second I released her. I backed up, memorizin’ the shape of her in the window light.
When I stepped outside again, Pressure was waitin’ beside my whip with his arms crossed.
“You good?” he asked.
“No,” I said truthfully. “But I’m ‘bout to take a drive, clear my head, then I’m goin’ back to the penthouse.”
“Hit me when you get settled,” he said.
We pulled each other in for a hug and he slapped my back like he was remindin’ me that I wasn’t alone in this shit.
“It’s gon’ be alright, ‘Lo,” he muttered. “Not today, but soon.”
I nodded, slid into my car, and pulled off slow, my chest still burnin’.
But I drove anyway, ‘cause comin’ back to my wife meant I had to leave her just long enough for both our hearts to remember how to beat again.
Honey District
Days later…
I ain’t really wanna get out of bed but Sha’Nelle and Pluto pulled me out the bed and we went to lunch at Honey District anyway.
We sat on the patio under this big cream umbrella that kept the sun off our faces, and the whole place had that pretty vibe like rich people problems was the only thing floatin’ around in the air. The food was already on the table for everybody. Me and Sha’Nelle had us some grilled lemon herb chicken with truffle risotto and roasted broccolini, and Pluto had some honey glazed salmon with wild rice and shaved asparagus. Everything looked good as hell but my stomach was too tight to care.
Honey District always felt classy. Velvet chairs neatly surrounded the tables, with gold accents and soft music playin’ in the background. People around us laughed and sipped wine like they ain’t have not one problem. Meanwhile my whole world felt like it was hangin’ on by a thread.
It had been four days since Kay’Lo came to the mansion and ripped them divorce papers up like he was losin’ his mind. Four days since me and him cried so hard on that bedroom floor that we fell asleep in each other’s arms. I kept seein’ it and feelin’ it and hearin’ every word he said. I couldn’t shake it no matter how hard I tried.
Pluto kept watchin’ me over her glass, her face soft like she was tryna read every thought I had. She ain’t say nothin’ at first but she ain’t have to. She was sittin’ close ‘cause she knew I was hangin’ on by whatever lil’ strength I had left.
“Toni,” Pluto said finally, settin’ her napkin on her lap all gentle like she always did. “You been quiet since we got here. Say what’s on your mind.”
I pushed my hair behind my ear and stared down at my plate. “I ain’t tryna drive y’all crazy with the same shit. I know I been talkin’ about it nonstop and it probably sound stupid now.”
Sha’Nelle rolled her eyes so hard the sun damn near bounced off ’em. “Girl, shut that shit up. Ain’t nobody tired of hearin’ you talk about what you goin’ through. You my cousin and Pluto yo’ girl, so we gon’ sit and listen every time you need us. So talk.”
Pluto nodded. “Exactly. We here for you. Say what you gotta say.”
I took a slow breath ‘cause even hearin’ that made somethin’ loosen in my chest. “I don’t know if I filed too fast,” I said low. “I was mad and hurt and embarrassed. I felt like everything collapsed at once and I panicked. It felt right in the moment but now I’m sittin’ here thinkin’… damn, did I mess up somethin’ I ain’t even ready to lose.”
Sha’Nelle leaned her elbow on the table. “You filed ’cause you was hurt for real. Ain’t nobody judgin’ you for that.”
Pluto took a sip of her drink and nodded again. “And there ain’t nothing wrong with being conflicted. Kay’Lo is your husband. Y’all done been through so much together. Love don’t turn off just because somebody get hurt or file for divorce.”
Sha’Nelle stabbed a piece of risotto and pointed her fork at me. “I don’t give a fuck what hoe he done fucked. That nigga love you like a muthafucka, bitch. You know that.”
My throat tightened and I dropped my eyes before either of them could see it. I ain’t wanna fall apart in the middle of this classy-ass restaurant.
