At some point we must’ve passed out ‘cause the next thing I felt was somebody tappin’ my shoulder. It was firm and quick, like whoever it was ain’t give a fuck that I was sleep or that I ain’t wanna be bothered.
“Get up, nigga,” a familiar voice muttered.
My eyelids dragged open and reality punched me back into my chest all over again. Toni was still curled against me, small and exhausted, her cheek smashed into my shoulder. Her breathin’ was heavy and her eyelashes was stuck together from all the cryin’.
Pressure stood over us, lookin’ down like he had walked into somethin’ he been expectin’ but didn’t wanna see.
“Come on, ‘Lo,” he said, tappin’ my shoulder again. “Get the fuck up. We gotta talk.”
“Get up for what?” I asked, slippin’ my arm tighter around Toni’s waist even though my whole body hurt.
Pressure sucked his teeth. “Boy, stop actin’ like a big ass kid. Get up.”
I wanted to tell him to leave me the fuck alone, but he was the last nigga in the world I could talk to crazy right now. He tapped my shoulder again, harder this time. I exhaled through my nose and slid out from under Toni as gentle as I could. The minute her body shifted, she blinked awake, dazed and tired and confused.
“You okay, bae?” I whispered.
She nodded but she didn’t speak. She just pushed off my chest and dragged herself up slow like her bones weighed double. She didn’t even look at me. She walked straight toward the bathroom and closed the door with a soft click. I heard the water runnin’ a second later, and the guilt in my stomach twisted until I felt sick.
Pressure nudged my arm. “Come on.”
We walked out the room and down the stairs together, each step feelin’ like my legs was fightin’ against me. I didn’t wanna be away from Toni. All I wanted was to hold her again, even if she ain’t want me touchin’ her no more.
All my cars sat in a row across the driveway, shiny as hell, expensive as hell, and completely pointless in a moment like this.
Pressure stopped beside me and stared me down like he was tryna read every part of me. His face softened just a lil’ when he saw the mess I was.
“You gotta give her space, nigga,” he said. “Both of y’all need space.”
I swallowed hard, but my throat felt raw. “She filed for divorce, Pressure,” I said, my voice low and cracked. “She had that shit sent to my shop. I opened an envelope and saw my wife droppin’ me off a cliff.”
“I know,” he said calmly. “Pluto told me, but if you wanna fix this shit, you can’t smother her and you can’t break yourself while you chasin’ her through the house. She need her air, and you need to collect yourself. Y’all too deep in the pain right now to think.”
I clenched my jaw and stared straight ahead. “I can’t leave her like this. She was cryin’ so hard she couldn’t even breathe.”
“You not leavin’ her forever,” he said. “You leavin’ for a minute so you don’t make this worse. You think I’m happy seein’ my cousin damn near lose his mind in front of me? No. But I know when somebody need a break before they drown. Toni can file for divorce all she wants. I don’t see her goin’ through with it. She just hurt.”
His hand met my shoulder, firm and heavy. “Go get ya head right. Let her get hers right. You gon’ come back to her stronger instead of broken like this.”
I hated that he was right. I hated that my chest hurt. I hated that all this shit even existed.
I sniffed real hard out of frustration. “Alright.”
He nodded. “Good. Hit me when you get situated.”
I turned back toward the mansion, my chest thumpin’ like every step hurt. When I got upstairs again, the door to the bathroom was open and Toni was standin’ by the window. She had her arms wrapped around herself and her eyes was so puffy it made my heart fold in half. Her hair was all messed up from sleep. Her cheeks was blotchy.
I walked across the room slow, watchin’ her stare out into the distance like she couldn’t see nothin’ but her own pain. When I finally reached her, I slid my hands around her waist and pulledher back into me. Her body tensed instantly, but I wrapped her up anyway, pressin’ her into my chest so she could feel how much her man was breakin’.
She grabbed my wrists, tryin’ to pull my hands off her, but I tightened my hold and leaned into her ear.
“Stop,” I whispered. My voice came out soft but it felt scraped raw. “Just stop, bae. Let me hold you.”
She shook her head, her voice low and tired. “Kay’Lo… please move.”
But I lowered my face into her neck and kissed that soft spot she always folded for, even when she didn’t want to.
“I love you,” I whispered, my voice thick. “I love you so fuckin’ much. I don’t want nobody but you. I’m done with everything and everybody except you.”
