I caught the phone against my chest and looked down, and my nostrils damn near split open from how hard they flared. My blood felt hot as hell ‘cause the pictures ain’t make no kinda sense, yet they was right here in my hands, darin’ me to deny what wasn’t even the truth.
It was me, knocked the fuck out at the penthouse, laid back with my arm thrown over Echo like I ain’t have a care in the world. Her face was tucked into my shoulder. Her hand was layin’ across my chest and she was smilin’ at the camera like she won somethin’ she could never compete for.
I felt my jaw lock and my vision shake, not ‘cause I gave a fuck about Echo, but ‘cause I ain’t know she took none of that shit. I ain’t know she had her phone out. I ain’t know she was usin’ her moment with me like a weapon. And I damn sure ain’t know she had the nerve to post it where Toni could see.
My fist tightened around the phone so hard it creaked.
My stomach twisted so hard I had to clench my jaw to keep from cussin’ the whole world out.
“You just a sorry muthafucka, ‘Lo.”
“Toni, I ain’t know she took no pictures,” I snapped back, my voice crackin’ from how fast my heart was beatin’. “I didn’t?—”
“You shouldn’t have even been with her in the first place!” she shouted, her whole face tight and hurt.
That’s when somethin’ in me finally snapped ‘cause she was talkin’ to me like she ain’t leave me for damn near two months, and didn’t shut the fuck down on me.
“You actin’ real fuckin’ surprised right now,” I fired back, takin’ a step toward her ‘cause I wasn’t about to let her rewrite the whole damn story. “You ain’t even want me, Toni! You ain’t let me come home! You ain’t answer my calls! You ain’t reply to shit! You ain’t wanna sit down, you ain’t wanna talk, you ain’t wanna fix shit! What the fuck you think a nigga supposed to do when his own wife make him feel like he dead to her?”
Her eyes filled again but I couldn’t stop ‘cause every word I swallowed for weeks was finally rippin’ out my chest.
“I’m blowin’ your phone up tryna come home! You sendin’ me dry-ass one word replies or not sayin’ shit at all! I’m knockin’ at the door of my own fuckin’ house! So why you standin’ here actin’ shocked that another bitch even got close to me when you the one pushed me out yo’ fuckin’ life in the first place?”
My chest burned and my throat felt tight as hell but my voice only got rougher.
“I ain’t sayin’ I was right, but you not gon’ keep fuckin’ sittin here pretendin’ like you was doin’ right by me either!”
“Fuck that!” she screamed, shovin’ me hard in the chest. “I don’t wanna hear that shit Kay’Lo! I really don’t muthafuckin’ give a fuck! You talkin’ about what I didn’t do, how I ain’t answer, how I shut down, but you the one who crossed the line! You the one who took yo’ dick and put it in another bitch! You the one who stepped out on me!”
She pushed me again, harder this time, her voice crackin’ from how much she was holdin’ in.
“You should’ve told me! You should’ve said, ‘Toni, I’m hurt and I’m about to do some dumb shit.’ You should’ve warned me instead of blindside me like this! You put me in a position for another bitch to laugh at me! So nigga, fuck you!”
My jaw flexed and I started to speak but she cut me right back off.
“You pushed me to my limits, Kay’Lo! You pushed me so fuckin’ far down that I don’t even know how to get back up! You traumatized me and you expect me to just be normal again!“
Her chest heaved and she wiped her face with the sleeve of her shirt ‘cause the tears wouldn’t stop.
“You killed people in front of me! You dragged me into shit I wasn’t ready for! You fucked this house up so bad, sometimes I don’t even recognize it as the same house we first moved in! Youthink I’m supposed to jump back into yo’ fuckin’ arms like none of that happened. Kay’Lo, are you fuckin’ crazy?”
I froze ‘cause her words stabbed straight through me. She shoved her finger into my chest again.
“All that shit I went through with you, I swallowed it! I took it! I held it because I loved you so hard that I forgot about myself! And now you lookin’ at me like I’m the one who ruined this marriage!”
My whole body went still as she backed away from me, breathin’ hard like she had been holdin’ that speech in her body for years.
“You broke me,” she said softly, her voice raw and torn. “And instead of helpin’ me put myself back together, you ran into another bitch arms. You really think I’m supposed to forgive that? You really think I’m supposed to stay after that?”
Her eyes glistened and she shook her head slow.
“I shut down because that’s the only thing I know how to do when shit go dark. I shut down so I don’t lose my mind, but you look at that shit like it’s abandonment. You don’t see the person inside me who had to disappear just to survive. That’s who you pushed away, Kay’Lo.”
“Toni…” My voice dropped ‘cause everything she said cracked my heart open.
I tried to get a word in but she ain’t let me speak.
“No. I don’t give a fuck what you say right now, Kay’Lo. You hurt me in ways I can’t even name, and you expect me to just let you fix it soon as you feel like tryin’. I can’t keep livin’ like this. I can’t.”
