“Look at me,” I told her.
“I love you,” I said, plain. “And I’m tryin’. I know I ain’t perfect, and I know I done had you out here prayin’ and worryin’ and gettin’ tired, but I’m tryin’ in ways I ain’t never tried before. I’m doin’ what I gotta do so you can breathe.”
Tears slid down her face, and she ain’t even wipe them this time.
“I be so scared,” she whispered, like it hurt to admit it. “But…”
I leaned forward over the tub, close enough that my breath touched her face, and I kissed her tears away slow, one by one, like I could undo every moment I ever scared her if I kissed her enough.
“Baby,” I whispered against her cheek, “I don’t want you livin’ like that.”
She grabbed the back of my head, caressin’ it and holdin’ me like she needed somethin’ solid.
“I love you,” she said, her voice crackin’.
“I know,” I told her. “I love you too, and I ain’t stoppin’.”
I kissed her again, then rested my forehead against hers.
For a second, it was just the sound of rain outside, the water in the tub, and Toni breathin’ shaky while she tried to calm down.
Then I rubbed her cheek again and forced a smirk.
I reached down in the water and put my hand on her belly, just a gentle touch, not on no pushy shit, but just dreamin’.
Toni stared at me like she was tryin’ not to fall for what I was hintin’ at, but I saw it in her eyes anyway.
“You so slick,” she whispered.
“I’m just… sayin’,” I said.
She shook her head, but her mouth trembled like she was fightin’ a smile.
I kissed her nose. “I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl.”
Toni eyes got glossy again, and her voice came out small. “Kay’Lo…”
I squeezed her cheek gently. “I’m not rushin’ you. I’m just lettin’ you know what I want, and I want it with you, not with no one else.”
She looked down at the pills, then back at me.
“You really got this?” she asked, like she was confirmmin’ it was real.
“Yeah,” I said. “And you can put it up if you want to. You can hold it. You can watch me take it. Whatever make you feel better. I ain’t fightin’ you on it.”
She nodded slow, then reached for me again, arms out.
I leaned in, and she kissed me, long and deep, like she was thankful and hurt and in love all at once.
When she pulled back, she rested her forehead against mine again and whispered,
“Thank you.”
I kissed her again. “You ain’t gotta thank me for doin’ what I shoulda been doin’.”
She gave me a look. “Let me have my moment.”
“A’ight,” I said, smirkin’. “Have it.”
