This was family…
And we was fractured right down the middle of it.
I floated with Kaylon pressed against my chest, his head restin’ under my chin, and I stared at the water like it had answers for me.
I loved this fuckin’ woman.
Toni was the only person who ever made me want to slow down without feelin’ like I was losin’ myself. She seen me when I was ugly and still chose me. And now we was standin’ on opposite sides of a pool pretendin’ this shit didn’t hurt.
Prestyn swam back over, bumpin’ into my side with the float, laughin’ like life was sweet.
I smiled for him, but inside, my heart was screamin’.
I kissed Kaylon again, holdin’ him close, and stayed right where I was, playin’ it cool, actin’ unbothered, even though every part of me wanted to walk over to my wife and pull her into my arms like we ain’t never let go of each other before.
Instead, I swam farther out because wantin’ her and knowin’ how to love her right felt like two different fights right now.
And I ain’t know which one I was ready to win.
It was finally time to eat, and I already knew this shit was about to test my self-control in ways I wasn’t prepared for.
Pressure had been outside all afternoon actin’ like he was really that nigga on the grill when everybody here knew damn well he needed backup, so by the time the staff slid in and took over, the smell alone had the whole backyard feelin’ heavy. Smoked ribs was glistenin’ with sauce, jerk chicken thighs was charred just right, lamb chops lined up neat, shrimp skewers poppin’ and cracklin’, lobster tails split open with butter meltin’ down the shell, and big ass trays of sides kept comin’ out like this wasn’t no regular cookout. Mac and cheese baked golden, greens glossy and rich, grilled corn brushed with butter and herbs, dirty rice piled high, and fresh bread still warm enough to pull apart with your hands.
Drinks was already poured before we got to the table. Brown liquor for me and Renza, tequila for Pluto and Toni, wine for Sha’Nelle, and Pressure had a lil’ bit of everything like he ain’t know when to stop. Weed was already in rotation too, thick enough that it hung low around the table and softened the edges of the whole moment.
Pluto passed Prestyn and Kaylon off to the nanny and kissed Pressure on the cheek, tellin’ him not to burn shit next time, and Renza laughed.
Pressure shot him a look. “Nigga shut up.”
I wasn’t even payin’ them niggas no mind though, ‘cause the moment Toni walked toward the table with Sha’Nelle beside her, my whole focus locked in and refused to let go.
That orange sundress hugged her body in a way that made it hard not to stare. The slit ran up her thigh just enough to tease, and every step she took made that fabric move slow against her chocolate skin.
My jaw twitched before I could stop it.
I stayed quiet, though. I stayed grounded and pretendin’ like I wasn’t feelin’ that pull in my chest that always came with her presence. Toni hadn’t even looked my way yet and her body already knew I was there.
As she went to pull her chair out, I stepped in without thinkin’, grabbed the back of it and slid it out for her. I stood right behind her, close enough to feel her heat and close enough that my breath brushed the side of her neck even though I wasn’t doin’ that shit on purpose. Her shoulders tensed just a lil’, and I felt that energy shift between us like a current runnin’ low.
She sat down without sayin’ nothin’, and I scooted the chair in slow, my hands firm on the wood like I was groundin’ myself. I heard Renza mumble some slick shit under his breath, but I ignored him completely. This moment wasn’t for nobody else.
I took my seat next to Pressure and across from Toni, and once I sat down, I ain’t stop lookin’ at her.
I ain’t mean to stare, but my eyes stayed on her like she was the only thing in front of me. The way she lifted her glass. The way her lips wrapped around the rim. The way her leg crossed slow under the table and that slit opened just enough to remind me what was mine.
She glanced up at me once, quick as hell, then looked away like she caught herself slippin’. I ain’t look away though. I let her know exactly where my attention was at, and if that shit made her uncomfortable or turned on, that was on her.
Conversation flowed around us; Pressure talkin’ about some business shit. Renza jokin’ with Sha’Nelle who kept leanin’ intohim like she forgot where she was, and Pluto laughin’ and clinkin’ glasses with Toni, the two of them vibin’ like sisters.
I ate. Drank. Smoked.
But my mind stayed on her…
Every laugh she let out hit me. Every time she brushed her hair back or leaned in toward Pluto, my chest tightened just a lil’ more. I had been givin’ her space ‘cause I knew I had to, but that ain’t make it hurt less, and sittin’ across from her like this made it worse in the best way.
By the time plates started clearin’ and everybody was feelin’ good, that tension between us had built up so thick I couldn’t keep swallowin’ it down.
Pluto was mid-sentence sayin’ somethin’ she thought was funny as hell when I finally had enough.
