It wasn’t confusion either.
It was hurt.
It was deep, quiet hurt.
My chest tightened, and I felt that cold realization wash over me all at once, heavy and unavoidable.
We locked eyes, and in that moment, I knew there was no explainin’, no smooth talkin’ or no way to undo what had just been uncovered
Kay’Lo had just found out I been on fuckin’ birth control.
And as we stood there lookin’ at each other, I knew without a doubt that everything had just changed.
TRILL-LAND, ‘LOLUX ESTATE
I ain’t gon’ even lie… for a split second, I thought about straight wildin’ out on Toni, but I decided to chill.
Instead, I got up from the bed and walked over to her sneaky ass, slow enough that every step felt heavy, like my own thoughts was fightin’ me while I crossed the room. She was standin’ there with that guilty ass look on her face, her eyes flickin’ everywhere but mine, and the way her shoulders was pulled in told me she already knew this shit was bad. I held the packet up between my fingers, and just let it sit there between us like the truth always do when it finally come out.
“So what the fuck is this, Toni?” I asked, my voice low and tight, like I was holdin’ myself together with thread. “Don’t play with me. What the fuck is this?”
Her lips parted like she had a whole speech ready, but none of that shit could get out. She swallowed hard, then finally looked at me, and the fear in her eyes damn near pissed me off more than the pills did.
“I ain’t mean to hide it from you,” she said fast, her words tumblin’ over each other. “I wasn’t tryna play you or nothin’ like that, ‘Lo.”
I laughed, but there wasn’t shit funny in it. Just air and disbelief.
“You hid it though,” I said. “Every day. Every single fuckin’ day. That ain’t no accident.”
She took a step back like my words pushed her, and I caught that shit. I hated that I noticed it, but it was too late to stop. My chest was already burnin’.
“I just… I needed time,” she said, her voice droppin’. “I wasn’t even on ‘em a whole month.”
That shit slid right off me.
“A month. Two weeks. A day,” I snapped. “It don’t fuckin’ matter. You really standin’ here explainin’ how long you lied instead of why you lied?”
She reached for me then, grabbin’ my arm like she always did when shit got heavy, and for half a second my body reacted outta habit. Then my mind caught up and I yanked my arm away hard enough that her hand dropped midair.
“Chill the fuck out!” I barked.
The words came out sharp, meaner than I ever talked to her, and I watched them land dead center in her chest. She froze with her hand still lifted like she couldn’t believe I pulled away from her like that, and truth was, neither could I.
“Don’t touch me right now, bruh,” I said, colder. “I need space before I say or do some foul shit.”
Her eyes glassed immediately. “Kay’Lo?—”
“Nah,” I cut in.
She nodded, wipin’ under her eyes even though the tears was already comin’, and that just pissed me off more cause now everything was spillin’ out.
“You know what fuck me up the most?” I said. “It ain’t even just the pills. It’s the story. The shit you had me believin’. You had me thinkin’ you couldn’t have kids. You had me thinkin’ yo’ body was fucked up ‘cause of what them niggas did to you.”
Her face cracked at that, and my stomach twisted, but I kept goin’ ‘cause it was too late to stop now.
“You know what that shit did to me?” I went on. “I was ready to kill behind you. And I fuckin’ did, girl. I was ready to tear this whole fuckin’ world apart ‘cause I thought you already survived hell. I was layin’ next to you at night swearin’ to myself I was gon’ protect you forever.”
Tears slid down her face, heavy, but she finally snapped.
