But my feet moved before my pride could stop ‘em.
I stood up from the table and walked out to the deck where the water stretched out in front of me. I answered.
“Yeah?”
Her voice slid through the phone low and soft, and fuck, that shit did somethin’ to me I wasn’t ready for.
“I was just checkin’ on you,” she said. “I ain’t heard from you since yesterday.”
I leaned against the rail, lookin’ out at the water. “I’m straight.”
She went quiet for a second, and I could tell she wanted to say more.
“You need anything?” I asked, already knowin’ that question was dangerous.
She hesitated. Then, she said, “Yeah.”
“What?”
“…You.”
Any other time, I would’ve jumped off the damn boat and swam home to her ass. Any other time, I would’ve laughed, talked shit, told her to come get this dick, or told her I was on the way.
Instead, I closed my eyes and bit my lip, feelin’ that ache hit my chest.
It was nothin’ but weeks of not touchin’ her. It was weeks of thinkin’ about that night I fucked her, and her scream still livin’ in my head rent free. It was me knowin’ her past. It was me notknowin’ how to touch my own wife without worryin’ if I was about to cross a line I ain’t even see.
“I’ll be home tomorrow,” I said.
I could hear the disappointment in her breath even though she tried to hide it.
“Okay,” she said quietly. “I love you.”
That shit hit harder than I expected.
I ain’t answer fast enough.
“You gone say it back?” she asked, her voice low, hurt but still reachin’ for me.
I sighed. “I love you. I just… I don’t know if you really feel that way right now.”
Her voice cracked just enough to let me know I said the wrong shit. “I do, ‘Lo.”
I ain’t wanna get into it right now. Not out here with the water lookin’ peaceful and my mind bein’ anything but.
“A’ight,” I said. “I’mma hit you before I come home.”
Then I hung up.
I stood there for a second longer with my phone still in my hand, before I went back inside like nothin’ happened.
Renza looked up. “Everything cool?”
I poured another drink. “Yeah.”
I lit the weed again, sat back down at the table, and forced myself to focus on the cards.
But no matter how loud the music got or how good the liquor burned, my mind stayed on Toni and that space between us that kept growin’ no matter how hard I tried not to think about it.
