He didn’t turn, but he exhaled with irritation and let me wrap my arm around him anyway. That alone told me he still loved me. He was just mad as hell.
“You on punishment,” he muttered.
I closed my eyes because hearing that from him actually stung worse than anything else tonight. “I’m really sorry,” I whispered again.
He didn’t respond, but he didn’t pull away either. And for now, that was the only grace he was willing to give me.
I held him tighter, knowing damn well I had messed up, knowing damn well tomorrow I needed to fix it, and knowing damn well I wasn’t getting touched until all this mess between our family was fixed.
Trill-Land
One week later…
I ain’t have no specific destination so I rode around, smokin’ and lettin’ the night blow through the car.
A week ago, I let my own cousin knock me the fuck out. A week ago I woke up in a driveway lookin’ stupid as hell with gravel stuck to my cheek and my gun smokin’ in my hand. A week ago, I shot up Pressure’s cars ‘cause anger was the only thing I had left in me. And now, days later, I couldn’t even bring myself to give a fuck enough to stay mad at him. My pride was bruised but my energy was gone. That punch took more than breath out my lungs. It took whatever fight I been tryna hold onto.
But at the same time, I wasn’t apologizin’ for shit.
I pulled on my blunt again and let the smoke sit in my mouth before I blew it out the window. I ain’t even wanna think about Echo. Every time her name crossed my mind, I felt irritated ‘cause all she had done was add more chaos to shit that was already broken. I couldn’t believe she told Toni she missed her damn period like that was supposed to shake me. And even if she was pregnant, I knew that child would never be mine ‘cause I never slipped. I never used condoms she brought ‘cause I wasn’t dumb enough to trust her bag. But fuck all that… I ain’t even wanna think about none of that shit no more.
I flicked ash out the window and rubbed my forehead with my thumb, lettin’ the streetlights smear across my vision. I had been out the house too damn long, livin’ out a penthouse I didn’t even wanna be in and ridin’ around at two in the mornin’, eatin’ takeout every night like a nigga with no home. It felt stupid the longer I thought about it. I wanted my bed. I wanted peace. I wanted my wife.
I pulled my phone out and typed out a message I been holdin’ on to for days without sayin’ it.
Me:I can’t breathe without you.
Me:I’m tired of bein’ in these streets.
Me:Let me come home, Toni. Please.
Me:Can I come back?
I stared at the screen, waitin’ for the dots to pop up. My heart beat hard as hell, even though I tried to play it cool in the seat. I ain’t even wanna blink. And when her reply finally came through, I felt my whole chest fold in on itself.
Toni:Yes.
She didn’t send an explanation or start a fight or write out a long paragraph tellin’ me what I already knew, she just sent one word… yes.
My heart started movin’ in my chest again. I threw the blunt out the window and hit the gas.
I pulled up to the mansion and the gates opened, and I drove through slow, lettin’ the house welcome me back like it missed me just as much as I missed it.
I parked and jogged inside, takin’ the stairs two at a time until I hit our floor.
When I opened the bedroom door, there she was sittin’ in the bed like she had been listenin’ for my footsteps the whole time. Her hair was parted down the middle, dark and soft, layin’ over her shoulders. She had on that thin gown she only wore when she wanted to feel comfortable and pretty at the same time.
My wife looked tired, but she looked like home.
Her eyes met mine and I saw them get shiny before she blinked slow. She didn’t move. She just let me take in whatever I needed. I kicked my shoes off without even lookin’ where they landed and climbed into the bed, movin’ toward her.
“Toni,” I breathed out. “Baby, I’m tired. I’on got nothin’ left in me. I can’t do this shit without you.”
She didn’t speak at first. She just watched me crawl closer. When she finally lifted her hand, she wiped under her eyes, makin’ a low sniff.
“I don’t wanna fight no more,” she whispered, her voice soft and shaky. “I’m tired too, ‘Lo. I’m so goddamn tired.”
I nodded fast ‘cause I felt every word sink into me. “I don’t wanna fight either. I’m done with that shit. I’m done bein’ away from you. I just wanna come home. I just wanna be with you.”
