The scoreboard blinks red above us, but unlike at Amantha’s bowling Christmas party, there are no silly nicknames listed.
Just Kate and Tanner.
Kate.
And Tanner.
I glance around, a piece of me wishing Amantha and her familywere here tonight. But as hard as I try, I cannot picture Tanner joking with Val. Or teasing Anthony. Or laughing with Susan. It’s like my two worlds are oil and water, refusing to mix.
Or am I the one preventing them?
Tanner’s warm hand finds its way to the knees of my distressed jeans.
“You okay?”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“Good.” He kisses me on the top of the head as he stands, then heads toward the aisle to perform what will likely be his twelfth gutter ball.
I squint. Does he really suck this bad? Or is he letting me win?
Does he not know that I love a challenge?
Does he even know me at all?
Brandon’s words from last week assault me like a vendetta of honesty. I sigh, grateful that the Winthrops provided more than just their generous donation that night. If they hadn’t showed up when they had, I don’t know what truth would have spilled out.
Brandon’s concern cracked my defenses in a way I’m not sure can ever be repaired. Even after everything that went down between us, the man is still there for me.
“I care too much about you to sit back and watch you act like someone you’re not.”
I grit my teeth. What’s scarier than Brandon Roberts being wrong is him being right. And I think he might be. For the past month, I’ve trapped myself in a maze, ignoring exit signs while chasing those who won’t or are not capable of loving me in the way that I need. And instead of focusing on all the people whodolove me, I chose to give up on myself. To mold myself into a version Tanner might love.
A version that maybeIcould learn to love.
This handsome, respectable doctor knows nothing about me, but it’s not Tanner’s fault. It’s mine. I’ve diluted myself so terribly that my personality now rivals the zest of skim milk.
How fun.
“Kate?”
I jerk my head up, a blush heating my cheeks. Tanner blinks expectantly from the driver’s seat, and I have zero clue what he just said.
“I-I’m so sorry.” I grimace. “I missed what you were saying.”
“I was just asking if you had a good time bowling?” Tanner’s brow furrows. “You sure you’re okay?”
He takes my hand across the console, but what comfort I thought I felt by Tanner’s fingers in mine has faded. I need to admit defeat and let the kind man beside me move on.
I’m saved from having to respond by the Waterborough community’s gate, which is quickly approaching. I frown at the iron spires wide open, stuck or glitching again. Stabbing the number to the security team into my phone, I tip a shrug to Tanner as I call to inform them of the broken gates.
Tanner pulls into my driveway, and I note the still darkened living room window. My heavy sigh fills the cab before Tanner rounds the car to open my door.
We arrive at my front door too soon. Tanner glances at it, and I can practically read the hope in his eyes that I’ll finally ask him inside. But I won’t. Not with the simmering knowledge that I have to end this.
I want someone whoseesme. A man who I can set down my weapons beside and relaxagainst, not vanish into. And Tanner deserves to find his person too.
“Kate, I just want to say thank you. This last month with you has made me feel things I didn’t think I was capable of feeling. You’re pretty great.”
