It felt like the dumbest move in my life as I shook my head. “It’s not that I don’t want to do it with you, but I don’t know.” I buried my face against his neck and inhaled his cologne. My dick twitched and heat sparked in my stomach. “If you would’ve just bent me over the dining room table the first time I kissed you, I would’ve been happy with it, but now it’s.... It feels like it’s important.”
“Good, because it feels the same way to me.” He hugged me for a minute, but then pushed me gently away. “I’m gonna go unwind. Ye’re welcome to join me or not. No worries.” He pressed a warm kiss to my forehead, and I watched him walk along the hallway, then stood frozen in place as his footfalls announced his progress while he went up the stairs.
“What am I doing?” I groaned and covered my face with my hands before wandering into the living room to flop on the couch, staring at the blank TV. I wanted to get fucked. Hell, I would say, after the way I’d been dancing around Rowen, Ineededit. But now that we were here, I was paralyzed, like a newbie who didn’t throw the first punch when he had a wide opening.
Rowen had said not to worry, but he expected things from me that the others didn’t. Not that he was being mean, but in a strange way he treated me like I had to stand up on my own feet in this relationship we were building—more than the others did. And it wasn’t even that I didn’t think he would take care of me, because tonight he’d proven he was more than happy to step in, even when I didn’t need him to finish the fights I started. Growling in frustration, I slapped my hands on the orange cushions.
Rowen expected me to be a man and that scared me.
Vail and Aspen didn’t force me to take much responsibility in our relationships. I just had to show up and be me. But Rowen wanted me to be thebest versionof me. Sighing, I leaned my head back against the couch. He’d never said I was disappointing him, though. Maybe I just wanted to show him I was as good as Vail. The whirl of emotional crap in my head was all pretty fucking confusing.
Irritated, I hopped to my feet and ran up the stairs. I burst into Rowen’s room without knocking, since we’d all been sharing it anyway. He froze with his eyebrows raised, then finished pulling a pair of pajama pants up over his ass. I swallowed hard as I watched his gray boxers disappear beneath red plaid.
“Ye all right, there?” he asked.
“Why does this have to be so serious? Why can’t we just go with the flow?” I demanded.
He pursed his lips. “I want ye to know I am invested in ye.”
I rubbed my left arm and sighed. “See! Right there! Using words likeinvested. It’s a lot of responsibility when you say things that way.”
Rowen crossed his arms and nodded. “Ye know, it is. Ye want to appreciate yer partner. Love them so they’re happy. That is a responsibility. Ye can love someone and make them miserable, and that’s not all right. I grew up with that. It might not be a stretch to say ye did as well.”
Letting out a frustrated growl, I slapped my hands against my sides. “What makes you happy?”
Rowen shook his head, then chuckled. “ ’M a simple man. A clean house. Someone—or two—to have a laugh with and spend time with. I like having a man to take care of and to know that he’s feeling good because of me. I need someone to take pleasure in.”
Feeling like I was pouting but unable to stop, I sighed. “And that person, or those people, would also take care of you?”
“Aye. It’s simple.” He shrugged.
“No one else needs me to take care of them,” I said, then realized it was true. “Not really.”
“I doubt that.” Rowen planted his hands on his hips. “Ye give all yer partners something extra sweet. Ye spend a lot of time doing what Vail asks or working hard for Cillian or looking to Aspen for approval. I see all those things. Ye’re a bright spot in their day. Ye’re fun. Ye crave what they hand ye. And ye care very much about our wee family.”
Shaking my hands in his direction, I was suddenly so angry I wanted to slam doors and yell. “But you expect something they don’t!”
Rowen nodded and carefully padded toward me in his bare feet. “I do. Ye have four partners. I have Vail and ye. I want a little more from ye. If it’s too much, we can let this go,” he said, but he didn’t sound happy about it.
My gut fell to my toes. “No! I don’t want to do that,” I said in a rush.
“Me neither.” He held out his arms. I was happy to walk into his warm embrace, and I swallowed hard when he scattered kisses across my cheeks and nose.
Rowen raised my chin and pecked his lips against mine. “I like that ye’re putting some thought into us.”
Sighing, I smiled and felt more like myself. “It’s fuckin’ weird to think about things I normally just do. So much of the last few months just sort ofhappenedto me. I mean, I am really goddamned happy to have Vail and Aspen, but it’s all been fast.”
“And this isn’t,” he said, kissing the corner of my mouth.
Shuddering as heat slammed my stomach and bounced around in my chest, I shook my head. “You keep calling me a rabbit. Are you sure we could keep from fucking like a couple of them if we were meant to be together?” I was half joking, but a bolt of fear slid through me and turned my excitement into a bizarre rush that skittered sparks across my skin and peaked my nipples.
Rowen grunted. “Have ye been worried about the fact that I have more control of myself than the rest of ye?” His eyes gleamed with interest.
I shrugged and my face exploded with heat.
“Just because I haven’t backed ye into a corner, put yer trousers around yer ankles, and forced me cock in yer hole, doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it,” he said into my ear, words a low growl. The image he’d painted swirled in my brain and every bone in my body melted as I allowed Rowen to drag me closer and keep me on my feet. “Ye’re all muscle. Ye’re not light.”
Grinning, I gave him a squeeze.
