I felt really out of whack.
I gotta say something.Rowen stared at me, waiting for me to talk.Anything.I nodded. “Uh, yeah.” My cheeks burned and my brain was about as useful as a rock because, even though some panic began to slosh around in there, I couldn’t think. How could I have so much sex and be with so many people and still not know what I should be doing right now?
Taking a deep breath, I flashed him a smile and hopped out of the car. I ended up slamming the door because I was too full of energy. I went to the back of the car and tapped the trunk, and Rowen popped it with the key fob as he got out. I didn’t give him a chance to say anything else, simply swiped Vail’s food out of the trunk, then ran inside taking it directly to the kitchen. I wasted time finding the perfect spot for the bag.
The fridge door was closing as I rustled around in the junk drawer, which Rowen insisted wasn’t any such thing, until I found a notepad and pen. I scribbled a note to Vail about the food—although, there was about an 80/20 chance he wouldn’t spot it, even if he did come into the kitchen because he was hungry later. It just depended on what else he was doing. I had trouble setting the pen beside the pad on the island, since my fingers didn’t want to unclench.
When I glanced up, Rowen was on the far side of the dining room, leaning against the wall next to the hallway with his hands in his pockets.
Watching me.
“What did one mobster say to the other mobster?” I asked, surprising myself. My mouth was set to stun, and I wasn’t sure if it was going to kill me or Rowen.
His eyebrows danced up and he smirked. “No clue, rabbit.”
“Are you gonna fuck me or what?” I kicked off my shoes, all at once ready to get this over with. My palms were sweaty and my stomach was rocking like it was a trampoline and fifty people were bouncing on it. I took my time unbuttoning my shirt as I made my way toward him. His gaze never left me as I tossed the shirt and it drifted to the floor to land in a blob that reminded me of a pink marshmallow.
Rowen barely blinked.
He is so serious. He’s worse than Aspen.I did everything I could to try to make my actions sexy, but normally I didn’t actually think about the things I did, they happened naturally, and I ended up feeling awkward and exposed.
Letting out a huge breath, I reached for my belt, then felt stupid because I had my pump in and needed someplace to put it. Frustration mounting, I turned away from Rowen to begin disconnecting the pump, but before I could touch the blue plastic box, Rowen slid his arms around me from behind and snagged my hands.
“Ye okay, there?” he asked, tone low and comforting. His warmth surrounded me and eased away some of my tension.
“Why wouldn’t I be? We’re about to hop in bed together. And clearly you can’t keep your hands off me.” My laughter came out as more of a weird hiss.
Rowen nodded and his beard brushed my cheek. “Ye don’t seem quite as excited about it as ye did on the beach.” He gave my wrists a light squeeze. “Talk to me?”
Shrugging, I leaned back into his embrace.
“We can cuddle together? Would ye like that?” he asked.
Again, I shrugged. The rock between my ears wasn’t open for business.
He brushed a kiss on my cheek.
My stomach trembled, and I shrugged yet again because I wasn’t certain what I should say.
Rowen straightened, though his arms were still around me, but he wasn’t curled as tightly against my back. He used his hands on my shoulders to turn me around, and it took forever before I glanced into his face, but when I did, he smiled.
“Fallon, I’ll say it till I’m blue in the face. It’s not a race. This is all right. We’ve done a lot together, but never fully been together. It’s fine if ye’re not ready to be with me alone.” He ran a thumb along my cheek. “I promise.”
Huffing, I took a step back. “This is stupid. It was easy to have sex with the other guys.” I frowned at him but couldn’t quite decide what was bothering me about this.
His mouth twisted down in one corner. “Did ye fuck them, then care about them?”
Blinking, I thought back about how that had worked with everyone else. “I liked Vail first,” I said honestly.
He tilted his head.
I shrugged one shoulder. “But I was really excited to fuck him. And Vail’s so easy to be with. He just always made me feel like I was doing the right things in the moment.”
Rowen nodded and carefully pushed my hair back behind my ear, something I’d noticed he enjoyed.
I smiled at him. “And I wanted Aspen bad. That came first. My dick was super into it. And I am always ready to be fucked by Cillian. I’m not sure exactly how I feel about Cillian as a person, but I like what he does to me. I love Aspen and Vail,” I whispered. “It feels good to feel that way.” Sniffing, I glanced away from Rowen. “I get hard thinking about you and watching you with Vail.”
Rowen hummed and ran his hands along my cold arms, warming me up a little. “Well, I’m not any of them, and it’s fine if it takes us longer. I’ll tell ye right now, I care about ye a lot. I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t.” He smiled at me, and I shuffled forward to hug him. “Do ye want to go upstairs?”
