GIAN
He was givingme those big puppy-dog eyes I’d come to both love and hate over the last twenty-four hours. I didn’t know how one man could get me so twisted up when I’d spent the last several years alone. I gently led him inside to the two-seater navy couch. I glanced across the open-plan room to the kitchen, but I wanted to be comfortable for this conversation, so I didn’t take him to the table. Once he sat down I took the seat beside him and our knees brushed due to the lack of space. He continued to stare at me with those mesmerizing eyes.
“Daddy, I don’t understand.”
I rubbed my cheek and my beard scratched over my hand. Finding words to explain my predicament wasn’t the easiest thing to do because I couldn’t tell him about my family’s mafia ties. They’d kill him if I did... or worse. “Catholic priests have taken a vow to God to be celibate. I shouldn’t have had any kind of sex, even oral.”
“But you did,” he murmured, turning toward me, eyes pleading.
“I know.” I laughed at the absurdity, at a weakness he’d found and used against me, and he was the weakness. It wasallof him and who he was that did me in. “And that was a mistake. I shouldn’t have let you do that.”
He brushed his hair out of his face and stared, the innocent confusion tying knots in my stomach. How could someone live in this world and be so sweet? It was a sin to want to keep that for myself. “So... I didn’t do it wrong?”
“No. Oh no.” I cupped his face and gave him another kiss on the forehead because I couldn’t resist. “You are perfect—and that’s the problem. I made a vow to my Father, the Almighty God, and I broke it for you. I have sinned in ways I haven’t since... I entered the seminary. I believe you are a temptation sent to challenge me, and the only way I know for us to both get what we need is for you to live somewhere else.”
“No!” He grabbed my wrists and held them tightly. “I promise I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll stay out of your way and won’t touch you again if you don’t want me to, but please don’t send me away.Please.”
I swallowed around the lump forming in my throat and took a deep breath. I didn’t drop my hands from his face because I didn’t have the willpower with him staring at me. His pleading gaze made everything harder. I’d already confessed my sins to Malachi, who’d been none too happy with my actions. I hated that I’d let him down, yet I couldn’t ship Phoenix away like Malachi wanted. He’d suggested a shelter that allowed abused men. I’d listened to his advice and agreed to send Phoenix there, but Icouldn’t.
“Tell me what to do,” he said, bottom lip quivering. “Tell me what to say, Daddy. I don’t want to leave.”
“I want you to get help, Phoenix.” The words were out before I could stop them. What Jericho had said filled my mind since earlier in the night, and if anyone knew what they were talking about, it was him. He might be the biggest pain in the ass, but he was one of the smartest men I knew. “Jericho talked about a group of people who are involved in BDSM and who have been abused in some way. They meet once a week, and I want you to go to the meetings.”
“Why?” His grip on my wrists loosened. “I’m okay with you.”
“Just go there once, listen to them talk, and then if you don’t think you belong there, you don’t have to go back again.” A sick part of me hoped he found a different man to be his Daddy, while another part hated the idea. I’d already decided he was mine. How was that possible? Before the seminary I was a man who went after nice asses like it was my life’s purpose, a man who knew no boundaries and fucked everyone who showed interest. I’d never thought about relationships or keeping someone, yet I felt the urge to protect Phoenix with my entire being. If Phoenix’s ex came anywhere near him I’d destroy the man.
He chewed on his lip and stared at me from beneath long, dark lashes. “Is that what you want, Daddy?”
His hands branded the skin on my wrists with heat, and his gentle touch fired up a need inside that had me inwardly wincing in shame. “Only one meeting. If you like it you can go back, and if you don’t, you don’t need to.”
“Okay, I’ll do it.” He smiled and leaned closer but stopped when I tensed. “Can I stay?”
“Yes.” My voice barely sounded like mine anymore. I couldn’t recognize myself. “But tomorrow we’ll need to go to the store and buy a futon so you can sleep in your own bed.”
He blinked at me in confusion.
“I won’t have you sleeping on the floor in my room because that is inhumane. We’re going to get another bed if you insist on staying in my room.”
“Really?” He appeared torn between happy and disappointed. “For me?”
“Yes, yours.” I kissed his forehead again—it was as though I couldn’t get enough of laying my lips on him somewhere, even if it couldn’t be on his mouth. “How old are you, Phoenix? I’m thirty-six, if you’re curious.”
“Twenty-seven,” he murmured, finally letting go of my wrists. I pulled my hands back and rested them on my thighs.
“Did you go to college?” It seemed easier to ask him questions about his life when it didn’t revolve around family or his ex-Daddy.
Phoenix nodded before he kicked off his shoes in front of the couch and dragged his legs up, cuddling his knees against his chest. “I studied business administration for a year, but in the summer I did an internship at my.... At his company. He loved me, told me to move in with him, so I did.” His breath raced and he shook his head, almost as if he was trying to clear it.
I frowned. He would’ve been at least nineteen by the sound of things—young and excited to be in love—but I didn’t have to guess where the relationship had led. Abusers like his ex-Daddy cut their partner off from their family and friends, isolating them. He would’ve made sure Phoenix didn’t have anyone else to run to, convincing him he was alone, like this... person wanted him to be.
“Do you think you’d be interested in going back to college?” I laid a hand on his knee to show I didn’t mean any harm, even though I thought he’d trust me to do anything to him at this point. That was his first mistake—being trusting. I was a man of God, and we believe in forgiveness, but I couldn’t fully trust most people.
“Maybe?” He blinked at me. “Do you want me to, Daddy?”
“I want you to be happy and to not rely on anyone. You can create a life on your own, Phoenix.” When his eyes went wide, I quickly kept speaking. “I will be here to support you, but you deserve to do whatyouwant to do, not what someone else wants for you.”
“But I like making other people happy,” he whispered, a cute frown creasing his forehead.
