Aspen kissed my forehead, and I made myself not gush tears through force of will. It felt like he’d forgiven me for not being man enough. “It takes time. Cillian forgets he wasn’t always the way he is now. I remember him, he had an instinct for blood from the beginning, but he hardened up while he was with Sloan.” He kissed my lips, and we lingered over the light caress. “Don’t worry, you did good.”
I buried my face against his neck and nodded.
Vail began to talk softly about what he was going to do tomorrow, and I loved him for the easy way he kept steamrolling through life. He didn’t let this awkwardness stop him; hell, maybe he didn’t even notice it.
Aspen ran his hand up my spine to the back of my head and held me in place, and I melted and wanted to live and die in this exact spot. It felt a fuck of a lot like he was protecting me. I quivered inside; I wasn’t supposed to need him.
But I did.
And maybe I loved him just as much as I did Vail. I pressed a kiss to his soft, warm skin and nuzzled there until some of the prickles from his five-o’clock shadow were rough against my cheek. Would he even want me to say anything like that?I love you.The first time I’d said the words when I was in the hospital, he hadn’t replied. I rested all my weight against him.
“There you go, boy. You’re okay,” he murmured in my ear, and my humiliation was complete. I loved whatever the hell was going on between us, and maybe I didn’t give a fuck anymore about what I was “supposed” to do or want.
11
ASPEN
By the timeI woke up, Vail was already gone, which left me and Fallon cuddled against each other. He was warm, his skin hot against my lips where they brushed his forehead. He had his arm curled over my hip, and our bodies were pressed together with the insulin pump tapping slightly on my stomach. Fallon was handsome like this. The anxiousness was gone from his face, leaving behind the calm he needed while on Company business. It wasn’t easy to hurt a man, at least at first, but it was something learned over years of work. After what went down at the factory with Ilya, I thought Sloan had faith in Fallon, and so did I. He just needed a push.
I uncurled my legs from his, and he grunted as I slid out of the bed, raising the blankets until they were tucked under his chin. He didn’t open his eyes, but a smile spread over his pale pink lips before he sank back into sleep again.
When I pushed open the door I ran straight into Cillian, a fluffy, white towel wrapped around his waist and another over his shoulders. His dark hair was wet and droplets slid down his temple.
He glanced at the door and back to me when I closed it. “Ye’re sleeping in his room now?”
I crossed my arms. “Vail was with us, not that it matters. We’re in a relationship together.”
“I wanna know yer intentions, mate.” He mirrored my posture and crossed his arms, brows raised.
“What do you mean?” I snorted.
“We need to toughen him up, and that won’t work with ye petting his hair and telling him he’s a good boy.” He shook his head. “What happens if ye have to fecking choose between savin’ Vail and Fallon? Who would ye pick?”
“There will never come a point where I’d have to decide who to save. Would you stop with this bullshit?” I growled, shoving at his shoulder but not hard enough to move him.
“Ye sure have a lot to say about the matter for a bloke who doesn’t like sayin’ much.”
Now he was pushing all the wrong buttons, and he knew it. I tensed, my jaw locked. “Don’t be a dickhead, Cillian. Leave Fallon alone.”
“Answer me question, then. If Vail’s and Fallon’s lives were on the line, who would ye save?” He was serious, if his face said anything.
I tossed up my hands in frustration. “That’s like asking me who I would save between you and Vail.”
“And I would save Vail over ye, that’s for sure.” He snorted.
I quirked a smile. “That’s bullshit, it wouldn’t be that easy for you to decide.” Nudging him on the shoulder, I said, “I like him.”
Cillian smirked at me. “Yeah? Then he needs to pull up his big-boy knickers and torture the motherfecker today. We have a reputation to uphold.”
“Do you remember when you first began?” I asked, leaning my shoulder against the wall near Fallon’s door. “I do. The first life you took here in New York? You nearly pissed your pants.”
His mouth twisted in displeasure. “It was a long time ago.”
“You remember,” I said quietly, smirking. “You remember well.”
“Go back to shutting the feck up,” he growled out, and I knew I’d won.
I grinned when he flipped me the bird and stormed off down the hallway toward Rowen’s room. Over the last few months we’d all added some of our clothes to Rowen’s large closet because, more often than not, we all managed to sleep in his room. It was safe to assume Vail was in there right now, enjoying some time with Rowen.
