Leaning back slightly to kiss his forehead again, I froze to see his very open, very awake eyes staring back at me. I gasped and jumped backward, the extra weight of the belly nearly toppling me over.
“Zayden?” he murmured, shocked.
“Oh God.” I turned and ran. I hated how cowardly it was, but I bolted to my room and closed the door, locking it behind me.
Slapping my hands over my face, I groaned. My shame was complete. I’d really done it now, but hey, at least I’d done what Wayne told me to do. I’d finally confessed my love to Dare. I hadn’t expected him to hear it.
I would never be able to look him in the face again.
7
Dare
The soundof the door across the hall slamming firmly closed had me groaning. My heart hammered and panic sunk its claws into me as I fought with my blankets and tossed them to the side.
“Z! Come back!” I’d known him my whole life—or at least for all the parts that counted. He was scared right now. I forced myself to my feet and shook off the fog in my brain from nearly being asleep. This wasn’t the first or even the hundredth time he’d snuggled up with me, but it was the first time he’d kissed me while he thought I was sleeping.
Or was it?
How many kisses had I missed? The press of his lips to my skin made my entire body hum in a happy way. Light, warm bubbles bounced in my stomach and I smiled, but then groaned again as I stormed out into the hallway and rested my hand on the doorknob to his bedroom.
What was I supposed to do here? I liked how my body buzzed right now. I liked the way he made me feel—good and wanted and smart. But what if I ruined what we had by trying to get more than made sense for a straight man and a gay man? But… I really liked that kiss—hell, every kiss he’d ever given me, which until now had mostly been quick pecks on the cheek.
I wanted him in my arms.
Last night I’d been confused, but if I was honest, I’d been less and less confused as the years went by. Lately I’d just been scared of what would happen if he found out I got hard when he was too close.
Because I am straight.
Maybe?
Sighing, I knocked my head against the closed door and tried the knob. Locked, of course, because Zayden did dramatics like a champ. For a moment I rested my forehead on the wood. After work had been hell—just pure fucking awfulness. I’d eaten because let’s be real, I could always eat. If the world was ending, I’d be doing it with a Big Mac in my mouth. But then I’d spent the rest of the evening worrying about him and popping antacids.
And then I’d been so happy when he’d come home and didn’t have that new-love honey glow that always made me grind my teeth. Istarted outhating his boyfriends. I didn’t give them a chance. I tried, but it never worked. And after how much I’d been thinking of my feelings for Zayden recently—not that all of it was new—his kiss tonight had to mean something. Maybe he could tell somehow that I wanted him more than I should?
There was a sad sob from inside the room and my gut dropped. Or maybe everything wasn’t about me. I took a deep breath and tried the doorknob again. It didn’t go any better this time than the last.
“Zayden, please let me in.” I tapped the door lightly with my knuckles. When I got no response, fear slithered through me. Did he regret saying he loved me? Not mean it? Or… maybe he meant it the same way we’d said I love you in the past… as friends. He also loved the color chartreuse, riding with the top down on the MINI Cooper—which was why I did it as often as possible—and the Versace sunglasses I’d gotten him for his last birthday. I felt like I was forcing lies into Z’s mouth with my shitty thoughts. No, he wasn’t a liar, and while he could be exuberant, I thought he really meant it.
Helovedme.
And he hadn’t given me a chance to say it back.
Why did he run away? Did he think I’d be angry with him? My head spun and I began to get nauseous with worry. The only way to sort any of this out was to ask Z some questions, but the door stood between us.
“Zayden, damn it.” I knocked again and let out a frustrated huff that transformed into another laugh. Excitement boiled in my belly. I hadn’t realized how much I’d craved hearing those words from him, and yeah, I still had no fucking idea about the kink stuff, but… I didn’t hate the thought of leaving a part of myself inside him. Pleasant shivers danced down my spine.
Of course, to get anythinginsideZayden, or more specifically his ass… I would have to put my cock in there. I glanced down and bit my lip as I really visualized it. His pretty legs spread wide, that dildo in his ass… only instead of a toy making him come it would be my cock. And he would smile up at me and look so goddamned happybecause of me.
My dick tingled and plumped and I breathed out in a rush. Had I ever allowed my mind to go there? Me in him was the opposite of a terrible thought. I was addicted to a happy Z, no matter how he got that way. Taking a deep breath, I knocked harder but tried not to make it a scary noise. “Zayden, this isn’t like with the candles. I’m not mad. Please, let me in.” I rested my hand there and waited, frustration building again as I got no reply.
A sad sound from inside the room froze my blood and had me rattling the doorknob.
“I know you’re straight. I know. Just… forget it. This is all a dream,” he said—still not opening the fucking door—in his spookiest voice, which was about as frightening as a pet koala handing out lollipops.
“I can’t have this conversation with a door between us!” I called. “Open itnow.” Frustration clawed at me. In times like this I wished I could make him obey me somehow. I wanted to tell him to do the thing that would result in the fewest problems and simply have himlisten to me.
“You don’t have to say anything” came through the door. “I told you, I know you’re not—”
