“It’s not that easy.” I rubbed at my neck but the tension there wouldn’t let go. “If he was a reasonable man, I’d still be living with him, and neither of us would have been at the hospital tonight.”
Casey stood and paced over to me. There wasn’t any room for him on the bed, and I was surprised when he sat right down on the floor in front of me. He was big enough that there wasn’t much difference in our heights this way, and it was shocking to have such a visceral reminder of his size as he stared into my eyes.
“How tall are you?”
“Six-six.”
“That’s like, pro sports tall.”
He shrugged and studied me. I couldn’t meet his gaze for long and reached behind myself for my Spidey pillow. I wasn’t even embarrassed as I cuddled the soft round ball of Spider-Man goodness close and rested my chin on it.
“You like things like this?” he asked and rested his hand on the pillow at my front, giving it a squeeze. His hand covered nearly the whole face of Spider-Man. Butterflies stormed my stomach and my cheeks burned.
“Yeah, I guess so. It makes me feel….” I shrugged a shoulder. “Happy, I guess? I mean, I bought most of this stuff when I moved out because… things weren’t guaranteed to stay intact in Dad’s house, and I figured why get anything I’d just be upset about if it was ruined?” I pointed at the two bookshelves that took up the wall to our right. “Those are all the comics and action figures I thought about buying, but never did, when I was younger. I know it’s silly, but I like seeing them. They’re a reminder of all the things I couldn’t have then, but can now. I’ve been… trying to get past a lot of stuff. I’m not like other guys. You probably guessed that already….”
He rested a hand on my knee. “That makes a lot of sense.” The heat and weight of his palm sent a tickle through my belly, and I bit the inside of my lip.
“Angel, would you say you’d be happy with a man who wanted to take care of you a little?” The question ended on a husky note, and I trembled at the implications of what he was asking.
I glanced up at him and frowned. “Like… how?”
He shrugged and smiled. There went his face again, just a tad red.
My chest felt lighter than usual as I made myself smile back. “You’ve seen my dirty secrets tonight. I won’t mind hearing one of yours. It would make me feel like maybe we’re even. Tell me what you mean.”
The blue eyes he stared at me with were so bright they almost didn’t seem real. Excitement tingled through me.
“I’m not sure how deep to get into the things I prefer right now. But if we were really together?” He squeezed my knee. “I wouldn’t let you go anywhere I thought you might get hurt, for one, at least not without me.”
“You wouldn’tletme?” I asked, not sure I liked the sound of that.
He frowned. “No.”
The finality in his tone should have scared me, but what he was saying… that he maybe wanted to protect me, had me rubbing my good hand over the back of his on my knee. I let go of his hand and reached out. He stilled and closed his eyes as I dug my fingers into his soft hair. I petted him, enjoying the heat of his body in the cool room.
“That sounds controlling.”
“Yes.”
My hand shook, and I rested it flat on top of his head. “You’re not trying to convince me otherwise?”
His lips curled into a mean smile that sent a thrill through me. “Angel, I hate kissing ass so much I started my own company and built it from the ground up, just so I could take work off any fucking day I wanted.” He tipped his head down to make it easier for me to touch him, and I couldn’t help but smile as I scratched my fingernails along his scalp. “I don’t take time off much, but do you understand where I’m coming from? I get angry a lot, and when there’s someone else to be pissed at, it’s a bad thing. At Budget Busters, I sign off on all the finalized work. Every fuckup, everything that’s ever wrong, is my fault. At the end of it all, I check each final file before it goes out to our clients. It’s me who is right or wrong in the clients’ eyes. That’s how fucking controlling I am. I own my mistakes and protect our work.”
Silence settled between us, and it was thoughtful not awkward. He watched me, and I did the same to him. Eventually I couldn’t hold his gaze and glanced down between us at the scuffed wooden floor. “None of that is necessarily bad.”
“No, but it is what it is.”
“And you’d expect… what from me… if this went anywhere?”
He tilted his head back, and I met his gaze again. “At the very least you have to let me do things to keep you safe. That’s a minimum requirement. Bare minimum.”
I leaned forward and sucked in a deep breath, resting my forehead against his wide, sturdy shoulder. “I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s more to me and the things I would expect from a partner, but I’d be willing to work with you. I enjoy so many things about you already. I like….” He shrugged and moved me with him. “I’m a fucker.”
“Tell me.”
“You’ll think I’m a prick.”
