I blushed a little at his use of my nickname. I actually kind of liked hearing him say it.
“I wanted what Jake has,” I admitted softly. “I wanted a mate and a baby. Just a family.”
Rafael nodded, but he wore a slight frown. “Is there a reason you’re talking about it in the past tense?”
I winced. I hadn’t even realized I’d done that.
“Did you give up on that dream?” Rafael asked more gently.
Had I already given up? I didn’t know anymore. It felt like I did, especially after my stupid mistake. It felt like there was no going back from that, and in one big way, there wasn’t.
But the more time I spent with Rafael…
No. I refused to push my desperate feelings onto him. I wouldn’t use him as a receptacle for my pity-party.
“It’s fine,” I said, shaking my head. “I’ve just… done some things I can’t take back. So don’t worry about it.”
He rolled his eyes. “You can’t just say something like that and tell me not to worry. I’m already worrying. You’re not planning on pulling another stupid stunt, are you?”
“No,” I said, looking out the windshield into the empty grey lot. “That ship has sailed.”
“What do you mean?”
I thought about what I’d done, and what it meant for the rest of my life. It was laced with shame, sure, but if it worked out in the end…
“Skylar.” Rafael’s hand was on my arm again, warm and large. “Can I ask you something?”
Why did I have the feeling he was going to probe into my darkest thoughts again?
“Sure,” I said.
“Did you sleep with Axel?”
The question was like a bucket of ice water to the face. Hearing him say it out loud made it too real. Too raw. It felt like a bad dream that refused to go away, not something that really happened. But it did.
“I told you already that I’m not stupid,” Rafael said, a sad smile on his face. “And we’re both grown men. You don’t have to lie.”
“There’s no shame in sex between two consenting adults.” Once again, his face took that dark shadow. “Youdidconsent, right?”
“Yes, I did consent,” I said firmly.
“Okay. Just making sure.”
I realized I’d spilled the beans with my confirmation. I pinched the bridge of my nose. But that wasn’t the entire story. Or at least, I thought it wasn’t, before Rafael spoke up again.
“There’s more, isn’t there?” His voice was gentle, like he was coaxing a scared wild animal. “If you don’t mind me putting two and two together…”
I froze. How close was he to the truth already? Surely he couldn’t--
“Did you sleep with him to get pregnant on purpose?”
My jaw dropped and I broke out in a cold sweat. I stared at him, wide-eyed with disbelief. It felt like Rafael had reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. My lie crumbled around me, reduced to debris.
Suddenly I felt trapped here in the car with this alpha who knew too much, this man who saw through my fabricated story like it was transparent.
“I should really get home,” I said shakily, trying to jiggle the doorknob. My palms felt sweaty and it took me an embarrassingly long time to throw the door open. I got out of the car, not bothering to shut the door, and ran until I hit a grassy area at the end of the parking lot. I collapsed under a tree, shutting my eyes, feeling disgusting and lonely and pathetic.
Footsteps came soon enough. I didn’t have to open my eyes to know it was Rafael. He slumped next to me on the grass, just far enough that our legs weren’t touching but I could feel his warmth.
