“No,” I said quickly. “I can’t tell them. Especially not Jake. He’d have a fit.”
I realized I said too much and shut my eyes, sighing.
“So it’s something Jake wouldn’t approve of,” Rafael guessed.
“Maybe.”
Rafael snorted and leaned back, crossing his arms. “Oh, good, I love to play twenty questions.”
I lamented the loss of his warm hand, but didn’t comment on it. God, why was I so emotional lately? But despite my reluctance to tell Rafael the whole truth, I felt the pull to confide in him. He was so easygoing and kind, and it was sucking me in, like a bear to honey.
“Kaden wouldn’t approve either,” I went on. “But if Jake knew, he’d go postal.” Then I added with a sour snort, “Not like he has any room to talk.”
“Okay,” Rafael said, nodding. “I sense a note of bitterness. Are you mad at Jake or something?”
I thought about Jake, one of my best friends, and his perfect life. His perfect alpha mate and his perfect baby, and how he’d transferred jobs to the Omega Angel Café and how happy he was with everything right now.
I shouldn’t have been jealous. It was an ugly feeling that I hated experiencing, but it was the truth. Iwasjealous. Jake had everything I wanted, and I had nothing.
I shut my eyes, exhaling, hoping to get all the ugliness out of me. But of course the act of simply breathing out didn’t solve my problems.
Especially the big, new, gaping wound of a problem I’d created.
“Skylar?”
I opened my eyes to see Rafael’s concerned gaze on me. I’d forgotten he was there and lapsed into my thoughts. It was odd that I was already so comfortable around him that I could easily space out like that.
“Sorry,” I murmured.
“So I’m gonna take that as ayes,that you are mad at Jake,” Rafael guessed.
“No. Not mad.” A shameful blush appeared on my cheeks. “Jealous.”
“Oh. Is that all?” Rafael grinned.
“Why are you smiling? It’s not funny.”
He laughed now, and I scowled at him. “Sorry, you’re right, it’s notfunnyfunny,” Rafael said, still with his shit-eating grin. “It’s just that I thought the same thing about Griffin back a while ago.”
I sat up in my seat. “Wait, you did?”
“Oh, yeah. I kept wondering whyhefound someone he loved as much as Jake, while I was floundering around getting nowhere.” He snorted. “Did you know I actually asked out your straight coworker because I thought he was gay?”
“Oh, right. That.” I laughed, remembering when Sammy had told us about that afterwards.
Rafael went on. “So trust me, I know all about that. There’s no need to be ashamed, y’know? It’s your feeling. It’s raw and real, and sure, it might feel a little ugly. But it’s not inherently malicious. It’s not like you’re going around trying to sabotage his life or anything.”
“No, of course not,” I said, appalled at the idea.
“There you go, then.”
I sighed, resting my cheek on the leather seat. “But it doesn’t make things any easier. It’s like… I don’t know how to get there. Where I want to be.”
Rafael mimicked my position so we were both leaning against the seats and watching each other. “And where is that, exactly?”
I opened my mouth to reply, but faltered. The words sounded silly and naive on my tongue. I swallowed them back.
“Don’t do that, Sky,” Rafael said. “Don’t balk. Just let it all out.”
