“Kinda like you?” Jake teased. He unstrapped Finn from his chest and carefully handed him to me before I protested further. “Here. Just make sure you support his baby butt.”
As soon as I pressed Finn gently to my chest, my eyes teared up. He smelled soft, like flower petals and baby powder. He seemed so fragile that it sparked an instinct within me--a feeling of total protection, like I would do anything for this child who didn’t even belong to me.
I didn’t realize I’d begun crying until Jake’s brows furrowed and his whole expression was washed with sympathy.
“Felix,” Kaden said. “You’re . . .”
“Oh,” I murmured. “I’m sorry. Here.”
I handed Finn back to his dad and then wiped my eyes on my sleeves.
“Are you okay?” Skylar asked.
I tried to nod and laugh, but it came out choked. As soon as that happened I had to bite back a sob. I didn’t want to start crying in the middle of my shift, especially over something like this.
“I’m fine,” I managed to say, but obviously nobody was buying it through a sheet of tears.
Skylar quickly ushered me to one of the back booths for a moment of privacy. Jake joined us while Kaden stayed up front so the café didn’t look completely barren of employees.
“Can we pretend I didn’t just burst into tears?” I said miserably.
“Yeah, of course,” Jake said with a smile. “Would holding Finn again make you feel better or worse?”
I glanced at Finn, pressed against his dad’s chest, with his cute pink cheeks and big eyes.
“I’d like to, if that’s okay,” I murmured.
Jake passed along his baby, who sat like a sack of flour in my lap. Despite my tears, I still laughed.
“He’s so cute,” I said.
Finn bunched up his tiny fists and waved them around. His round eyes examined his surroundings before settling on me. When I smiled, he actually smiled back.
My heart felt like it was being ripped in two.
“Maybe if I ask nicely Jake will let me take you home,” I joked.
He laughed. “Hell no. I went through too much labor for that, sorry.” He tilted his head. “You seem to really like kids, Felix. Do you have your own?”
Skylar visibly winced. “Jake, he--”
Jake seemed to know he’d said something wrong when he glimpsed Skylar’s expression.
“It’s okay,” I said, shaking my head. “He didn’t know.”
Jake bit his lip hesitantly, afraid to ask. “Know what?”
The words were almost impossible to get out, especially with little Finn staring up at me with his big eyes.
“I can’t bear children,” I said. “I’m, um, infertile.”
Jake’s face fell. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Felix.|
I turned my attention back to Finn to try and distract myself from the dark cloud of negativity brewing in my head. His innocent smile caused tears to leak from my eyes again. I thought about how much easier my life would be if I had my own baby, and didn’t have to borrow precious moments like this from other people’s children.
Suddenly, Finn reached up and touched my wet cheek with an open palm. I gasped. He giggled and smeared the tears across my face, and I chuckled.
“Oh, Finn,” Jake said, sounding embarrassed. “I’m sorry. He still doesn’t know any social etiquette, do you, son?”
