“We’ll walk you up,” Sterling says, and I don’t deny them that.
When we get to my door, I give them each a small peck.
“Thank you all so much for this weekend. It really was amazing,” I tell them.
“You need anything you let us know. Sterling and I are on 48/96’s right now. So if you’re free on Thursday,” Nate suggests.
“I’d like that,” I agree, as we all stand there at my door. “Get home safe,” I say as I enter my apartment. Smokey is happy to see me as he rubs his head against my shins.
I pick him up and clutch him against my chest.
“I think I’m way over my head, Smokey,” I tell him, giving him kisses.
When I lie down on my bed, it feels empty, stale, and sad. I’ve never longed for anything, and I’m not sure how to handle this overwhelmingly foreign feeling.
Just like I thought, life goes back to normal as I slip on my costume for the night. It’s shimmer night and my outfit is a sparkling bronze. As soon as I have the tight fitting set on, I sit down at the mirror and get started on my makeup.
I never felt guilty for working at Lavender Moon, never considered it seedy or anything like that. But the idea of scenting other Alphas, dancing for other patrons when I’m being actively courted, sends a pang through my stomach. It’s not like I need to even do any lap dances or VIPs. I can just dance on the stage all night. It’s not far off from burlesque or any major show you could see on the main strip.
Yet…I still don’t like the idea.
“Tell me everything,” Riley says, startling me.
He’s wearing a silver thong and harness. I blink at him and he motions with his hand.
“How did the date go?”
I sigh and place my palms on the table. “They took me on a helicopter over the Grand Canyon and rented a beautiful cabin. It’s horrible,” I say, turning to face my friend.
“Oh, honey. You want their knots deep inside of you while they sink their teeth into you, huh?”
I turn my whole body toward his and grab his wrists.
“You know this feeling? I thought you didn’t want to settle down?”
“This isn’t about me. But yes, I’ve felt this feeling. It’s normal. They’re courting you, Hails. They want you, just you. You deserve something good. It’s okay to want the pack, to want the bonds.”
“What if it’s not real? What if it’s not built to last?”
Riley tugs on a piece of my hair. “God, you have worse mommy issues than I do. Just don’t sabotage yourself, alright? As much as I would hate to not see you here at Lavender Moon anymore, it sounds like you found some good ones. Don’t ruin a good thing before you even have it.”
“You’re right.”
“Now that our pep talk is over, was there any freaky sex out in the desert?”
I glare at him and he just grins back before we get called to the stage.
He’s right, I know that he’s right, that I don’t know how to handle a good thing. Though we’re back in the real world. Maybe things will be totally different and they’ll realize that I’m not really what they’re looking for. I mean, what if they think they’re okay with this job and they’re actually not?
I sigh as I head to my stage, prepping the pole as music starts and patrons fill the space. I try to just do the movements I’ve done a million times, putting off having to talk to any of the Alphas that showed up tonight till I have to.
Would some VIP dances help my bank account? No doubt, but the idea just doesn’t sit right with me.
After a few spins, I’m climbing back up the pole before doing an aerial introvert, my hair falling as I spin upside down. It’s the first time I look into the crowd of Alphas who’ve gathered around my section.
A backward hat, and a sharp smirk, has me blinking with every spin.
Hayes is here, his blue eyes only looking at me, as I flip and slide down the pole, walking to the edge. He’s leaned forward, and I guess in my shock, I only noticed him, because Ben pops up right next to him, nearly startling me.
