No one has ever wanted me like this before. I try to pull myself together as I get dressed for bed. The room is empty and while I appreciate the space and not pressuring me to do anything, I also feel helplessly alone.
I leave my room without thinking about it…to what? Jump into bed with all of them and rub myself all over them so theysmell like me and I like them? This new claiming sensation is too much.
“Hey.”
I jolt at the greeting and see Hayes lounging on the couch. It’s like getting caught sneaking back into the house as a teenager. Instead, I’m sneaking off to get a whiff of Alpha scents, plus my mom never would have given a shit if I snuck out.
“Um. I was just getting a snack.”
“A big old Alpha scent snack?” He calls me out on my shit, and I glare at him. “Come here. I have something for you.”
He hands me two gigantic hoodies, one smelling like Sterling and the other like Nate. I ungracefully inhale them both and it soothes something deep inside of me, some of that edge from earlier completely disappearing.
“Thanks,” I whisper.
He doesn’t seem upset over the fact that I’m sniffing these hoodies and not him. Instead, he gives me an easy smile.
“Why don’t we take these hoodies back to your bed and get a good night’s rest for tomorrow,” he says.
It seems like he easily just solved all my problems. My need for the Alphas’ scents and this crippling feeling of being alone. He follows me back to the room. I place both of the hoodies in a very particular spot near the pillow and lie down. Hayes follows suit, spooning me from behind.
“You alright?” he asks, holding me tight. Who knew that hugs with a significant amount of pressure could feel so good?
I nod, not ready to voice exactly how I’m thinking, because it doesn’t seem sane.
“You can always talk to me. Whatever you need, we don’t even have to tell the Alphas,” he says easily.
I can’t help but laugh softly. I interlace my fingers with his and hold him tight. With Hayes, I feel safe. With him there’sno cloudy judgment. I simply like him because I like him, and there’s some comfort in that.
“Goodnight, Hailey. I hope this was the dream date you always wanted,” he says, kissing the back of my head.
I take a deep inhale of the scents around me and let his soft words settle into my heart.
“It’s more than I could have ever wished for,” I tell him honestly.
It’s almost as unexpected as this deep yearning I have for wanting a bond. It’s like a fist wrapped around my heart, begging me to be a part of something I never thought I could have. It’s all too much, too soon. How could I possibly be sure?
What if these men are wonderful now and then as soon as we bond they turn into my mother’s pack? Hating one another, and becoming deplorable people.
Hayes grips me tighter, nearly smothering me and I take a deep breath.
“What do you need?” he asks, clearly sensing that something is wrong.
“Just you. Just this,” I tell him, not vocalizing all the spiraling thoughts raging through my head. “Goodnight Hayes,” I whisper softly, and he kisses my hair, not asking me any further questions.
Wrapped in his arms and shoving my negative thoughts away, I’m blessedly able to fall asleep.
Hayes was right. The view back home was even better. Watching the Las Vegas skyline glittering beneath us felt magical. But as they drive me back to my shitty apartment, I can’t help but to feel like this is where the magic ends.
I hate that I’m like this. That I can’t seem to hold on to a good thing.
This weekend was the best one of my life and I’m already contemplating how it’s all just too good to be true. The way these guys make me feel scares the shit out of me and I think it’s because for the first time I have something I want so badly and I know how easily it could be ripped out of my hands.
I think in the back of my brain I knew I’d eventually bond with a pack, but it wasn’t something I actively thought about. Last night I craved it, I wanted something so viscerally I’m not sure how to even handle it. Maybe space will make things better. I need some time to get my head on straight, to let the grandness of this date fade away and see how things are in the monotony of everyday life.
“You okay, Hailey?” Nate asks softly, and I glance out the window. When did we park in front of my building?
“Yeah. Just tired.”
