It was one thing when we both spent the night. It was clearer then. We were giving into our desires and it was agreed upon, friendly, casual sex. Well, for them, for me, I think this stopped being casual comically early.
“Yeah,” he says with no explanation, taking another sip from his tumbler.
It’s then I realize just how emotionally inept me and my brother are. I’ve already asked him this before, but I decide to go a different route.
“I think I have feelings for her beyond our arrangement.”
I search his eyes as he places the tumbler on the counter with a soft clink.
“Fuck. I think I do too,” he says, running a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t matter, though. She’s made it pretty clear what she wants. Not to mention her ex is clearly a fucking psycho. I don’t think she’s going to go from divorcing that freak to dealing with the public scrutiny that comes along with what it would look like being with us.”
“We could, I don’t know, ask her?”
Gavin furrows his brow at me. “That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”
“Yeah? Well, what’s your plan? Making her addicted to your dick and hope that maybe she might grow in affection towards you?”
“That sounds like a pretty good fucking plan.”
“What’s the worst that she could say? No?”
“Yes, that is the worst that she could say. She could say no and then we wouldn’t have her at all. She’s a professor. You saw how freaked out she was with her nosey ass neighbor and those girls at the bar. Imagine that on a grander scale,” Gavin says, waving his arms while he talks.
“She came to us at the club opening. She seemed to work through that fine,” I say with a shrug.
“Really? She seemed fine? She seemed like she wanted to run out of the club and never look back until Penny plied her with drinks. She’s not ready. She might never be. Go figure, the one woman I finally want I can’t have.”
“That’s really dramatic, even for you,” I say with an eye roll.
“It’s not a joke.”
“I didn’t say it was. I just think maybe you need a feelings board or something so you can communicate better. She’s at our house. She feels safe there with us. She came to our club opening. When she was scared last night, who did she text? Us. I’m just saying, maybe she’s scared, maybe she’s not ready, but there’s no way she doesn’t feel something.”
“Does it really matter if she feels something if she isn’t willing to act on it?”
“I think you’re doing a lot of speculating on how she feels,” I respond.
“Maybe, but I think we need to play this smart. She’s going through a lot and the last thing we need is to spook her. We’re exclusive with this fuck agreement, at least there’s that.”
“So you really are trying to manipulate her with your dick?”
He tosses a rag at my face, and I laugh.
“Alright, fine, we’ll just be two yearning fucking assholes, walking on eggshells in our own house wondering if the girl likes us back. Maybe we should write her a little note and leave it on the fridge. Do you have feelings for us? Mark yes, no, or maybe.”
He tilts his head like he’s open to the idea and I toss the rag right back at him.
“You’re an idiot.”
“That means you’re also an idiot.”
“Probably,” he agrees. “Either way, I know you worked late last night. Why don’t you go home and make sure she’s okay? I’ll cover the bar tonight.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I think I need to stay busy,” he says, and I know what he really means. If he doesn’t keep his hands or mind at work, he might do something stupid, like tell the full grown woman staying in our house that he has feelings, or worse, going and beating the shit out of her ex-husband.
“You’re sure this is what you want to do?”
