“Yeah, what’s up?”
“Penny just looked a little upset, and you’ve been parked in my lot for a good ten minutes.”
“Had a phone call,” I lie.
“And Penny?”
“She won’t tell me what’s up with her.” A lie, but not really. I promised I wouldn’t bring up her birth mother, and I won’t.
“She’s been off lately. I’ll see if I can get her to talk to me,” Aiden says. Forever the pragmatic sweetheart of the Carlson brothers.
“Good luck with that,” I say.
Aiden furrows his brows and looks at me.
“And you, is everything okay with you?”
“Just fucking dandy. Can one of you assholes drive this weekend?”
“Yeah, sure,” he says, searching my face.
I roll up the window before any additional conversation can be had and head to the office.
I don’t want to make Penny cry, I don’t want to make her life harder than it already is. But the lengths I’m willing to go to get her to understand how we should be together is concerning.
It’s been a long time since I’ve been fixated on anything, let alone a person.
But here I am, daydreaming about loose blonde curls, pretty blue eyes, that just so happen to belong to my adopted cousin who’s adamant there can be nothing between us.
When did my life get so fucking complicated?
19
CATHARSIS
I don’t knowhow I manage to get through the morning at work. All I can think about are Lincoln’s soft eyes telling me he chooses me.
That’s all I’ve ever wanted, to be someone’s choice and priority, yet he’s the one person I can’t have. It would ruin everything. Men don’t stick around long enough once they truly get to know me.
Lincoln wants me now because it’s exciting and new, but eventually he would leave. I’d be left broken hearted with no family, and then who would I be.
I do my best to try and keep a pep in my step and not let my happy-go-lucky facade break as I head to Jessa’s cubicle.
“Hey, got some time to grab lunch?” I ask.
“Sure,” she says with a smile, grabbing her purse and following me outside. I’m not sure how to fill the silence, because I think if she asks me what’s wrong, I might just fall apart. “Penny, are you okay?”
I blink at her, and as I suspected, the floodgates burst open as I cry into my hand. Jessa drags me out of the food truck line and we sit at one of the wooden picnic tables. She rubs my backin a soothing manner as I try to get my shit together. “This is so fucking stupid. I can’t believe I’m just breaking down like this.” I wipe my eyes, trying to collect myself while Jessa keeps rubbing my back assuredly.
“We can talk about it if you want, or if you just want to sit here. Whatever you need,” Jessa says, and I give her what I’m sure is a pathetic smile.
“Have you ever loved someone you couldn’t have?” It’s a broad thing to say. I’m not romantically in love with Lincoln, but I know I could be. There’s already a love for him in my heart, but deep down, I know it could be devastating.
She shakes her head, but doesn’t stop rubbing my back.
“Why can’t you be with them?” she asks. Probably wondering why I’ve never brought up my dating life before.
“Because it’s so stupidly complicated I can’t even get into it.” I scoff. The last thing I need is her realizing how fucked up I am and that she should run far, far away.
