Her hand is on the door handle and she breathes, resting her forehead against the door for a short moment.
“I always change myself for the guy I’m with, you know that?” she says and I furrow my brow, wondering where the fuck this conversation is going.
“Whatever hobbies they have, I take up. Whenever they thought something was funny, I’d laugh even though I hated it. Their favorite food became my favorite food. I was always willing to toss these small pieces of me away for them—they were small pieces. What was the big deal? But recently, I figured out that too many pieces of me are gone. I don’t know who I am.”
She’s crying now, and I go to approach her, but she waves me off.
“As much as you made me feel like one whole piece this weekend, without my family, I’ll be just as lost.”
“Penny, just stay. We can talk about this.”
“Thank you for the weekend, Linc. Remember your promise,” she says, opening the door and leaving me behind like she didn’t just take a piece of me.
I sit on the couch, my head between my hands, and contemplate all of her words. Of course, all my first thoughts are selfish ones, like telling the family and having her see that she’s wrong.
Not that there wouldn’t be discontentment if we were to publicly come out as a couple. There would be a serious adjustment period. They wouldn’t be happy, but they’d get over it.
But she’s thinking this all under the guise of it being some fling, something that will eventually fizzle out.
I need to prove to her that I’m serious and that I want it all.
I’m already hatinglife because it’s Monday, I haven’t seen Penny, and the amount of bullshit that’s on my desk is abhorrent.
Marie comes in and drops off my coffee with a contemplative look on her face.
“What has you in such a shitty mood?” she asks.
I glare at her, and she glares right back.
“Your brother called,” she says.
“Which one?”
“Gavin. He wanted to make sure that you all were still planning on going to Sarasota this weekend.”
I groan and tap my head on top of the table.
“This is all very dramatic, even for you, Lincoln.”
“Yes, I’ll call him and confirm. Why didn’t he text me?” I ask and Marie looks around and I roll my eyes. “He’s checking up on me?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know. I just answer the phones. We’re ordering lunch from Hugo’s. Do you want anything?”
“The usual, thanks.”
“You got it,” she says, though I know she wants to say more. I just don’t have the patience for that today.
I open a browser and pathetically search for ways to make a woman fall in love with you, romantic gestures, and therapists’ offices near me.
All I find is bullshit.
I’m not good at this. At sharing my feelings, and being overly sweet and kind. But for Penny, I’ll do it. I just don’t know how to do that when she’s put her foot down on the whole situation.
Maybe instead of pursuing this so heavily, despite my wishes, I need to give her some room to breathe and realize it on her own.
Way easier said than done.
It’s beentwo days of my self-talk of leaving Penny alone, to stop hyperfixating and giving her room to breathe.
