There are these small moments—little glimpses—of who he used to be. Under whatever baggage he’s been carrying, he still cares about his family. He didn’t second guess me the other night; he came and picked me up right away. He’s taking the time to check in on Aiden when so many others think he’s strong enough to handle the pressure he’s under.
Lincoln might not be nice, but he is kind.
“I think if Tabitha quit, his life would improve drastically.”
“I don’t know why he doesn’t fire her,” he says, like he truly doesn’t get his brother’s thought process. Maybe Lincoln just has no problem firing people.
“Collin never made his employees sign non-competes. Tabitha has the biggest Rolodex out of all the salespeople.”
“I wonder why,” he says while making a ridiculous dick sucking motion.
I can’t help it, I laugh.
I really try to be all for women’s rights and wrongs, but God, that woman is fucking insufferable. She makes my life a living hell some days, and it’s nice to know I’m not the problem. She is.
The elevator opens to his floor, and he leaves without saying goodbye or anything else. It’s not a surprise, but I start to wonder why Lincoln is the way he is, and maybe he’s more misunderstood than I realized.
Maybe me and my aloof cousin have more in common than either of us could have ever imagined.
4
SUNDAY DINNER
I havea few hours before I head over to my parents’ house for family dinner and the Avalon paperwork is taunting me from my desk. I yank it off the counter and grab my laptop, I know if I don’t do it now, I never will.
This is what I wanted. To try something new and exciting and learn about myself while also shielding my heart.
Since my heart might be located in my vagina most of the time, it makes the Key Club perfect for me. Anonymity is going to open a new world of exploration for me. Add in copious amounts of therapy and avoiding men like the fucking plague—I think I can do this.
Maybe one day I’ll graduate to actually going into the club itself. But something about the mystery and this being a secret only I know about is empowering to me. While others might find it degrading or seedy, the primal nature of it all calls to me.
A lot of my previous sexual partners were very against the things I wanted to explore. This gives me the freedom with no strings, no feelings, and no fear. It can be my own little secret.
The site loads and I put in the username and password assigned to me as well as my main profile that is only accessedby Avalon employees, which includes my billing information, address, club status, and medical information.
I scroll through the different sections of the main club, and there’s a lot that intrigues me, but nothing like the Key Club does.
My next step is to create an alias and my specific profile for Key Club that other members will see to potentially match with me. It looks like there are options to be set up with anyone, completely anonymous, or you can click through aliases and see who might work for you and request a meeting time.
I like the idea of clicking through to make sure they have the same interests as me, going all in with no idea whose on the other side is too nerve wracking.
I’ve been thinking about my alias name for days now and I’m torn as I sit here, the screen staring back at me. I don’t want to use a common name; it feels like it should be more code than anything. Or perhaps, just something sweet.
I put my alias as Honey, and move on, not wanting to overthink it and wind up with something ridiculous.
As I scroll through the form, the common questions you would put on a dating profile are nowhere to be seen. You don’t put your age, your photo, or anything that is personal enough to make you identifiable. But you put your limits, what kind of play you're interested in, and what you want out of the experience.
The first row is formatted as yes, no, or maybe.
It’s thorough and goes over things I never even thought about, like do I want to be able to hear the other person, which is a hard no.
God, how pathetic is that? I feel like I could fall in love with a complete stranger by just hearing them talk to me during sex. But knowing myself is part of my growth, so I stop my spiral and move on with the rest of the questionnaire.
There are a slew of questions about personal preferences, do’s and don'ts.
The last section is where you can write what you’re looking for from this experience and to me it feels like it’s beyond the physical. It’s about what I want not only for my body, but how I want to leave this place feeling.
I fill out the form and take a huge breath as I hit submit. I’ll see the room on Wednesday and then I’ll be able to schedule my first encounter. I’m as nervous as I am giddy, but it’s been a while since I’ve felt so excited about something. As silly as it is, I feel like this is the right first step on my growth journey.
