“What do you want, cupid?” the other male says boredly.
None of them would survive a second at the Valentine’s Day Ball, a bunch of golden prudes if I ever saw one.
“Nothing, never mind.” I sigh.
“Thank God we’re not cupids,” they jest behind my back as I walk away.
Angels are kind of dicks.
Feeling defeated, I walk down the gorgeous, capitalistic aisles of love at Target. I can’t even enjoy all the red, pink, and cute. This is a tragedy, truly. Valentine’s Day is the best time of the year, and here I am on an impossible mission surrounded by loveless people.
The pig who’s cheating on two women is in the checkout lane and I just can’t help myself as I pull out two lust arrows, hitting him and the friend he’s with. Truly, they deserve one another. The two men kiss each other frantically, and I can’t help but wonder if there was an underlying feeling of desire over the way they’re going at it.
Maybe he’ll leave those poor girls alone and they can find someone better for Valentine’s Day.
This did not go the way I planned at all. Angels were really my best option to show up Eros and create a tsunami of jealousy among the cupids.
But honestly, the angels are such a buzzkill. I guess I would be too if I weren’t getting laid and my only job was to be a holier-than-thou narc. They aren’t a good match for the Valentine’s Day ball so now I have to go down the list to the next immortal being.
Ghosts.
Could a ghost even touch me?
There’s only one way to find out. I teleport directly to the closest graveyard. There are multiple dreary looking ghosts milling about and I consider which one to approach.
A handsome man, sitting cross-legged on a tombstone, catches my attention and I walk in his direction. He’s lighting a ghostly cigarette as he looks up at me.
“Cupid,” he greets me plainly.
“I didn’t know ghosts smoked,” I say stupidly.
“I’m already dead, cupid,” he jokes, shaking his head, inhaling the cigarette. The smoke goes nowhere.
Great… Now, where do I go next in this conversation?
“You’re a quite handsome ghost,” I tell him.
He smirks. He’s got a bad boy look to him, see-through ghost leather jacket and all. I’m sure he was a serious heart breaker when he was alive in this realm. I guess I should be morally opposed to a man who spat on the foundations of love in his previous life… but he is very pretty.
“You don’t belong in a graveyard, cupid.”
“Love, my name’s Love. Also… I don’t know, this is a very nice graveyard you have here,” I flirt.
“Usually the visitors we get are a little more alive and a lot weepier,” he states.
While I suppose my appearance is a huge adjustment to the poor humans who come here in mourning, I hope that he’ll be able to help me. I’ve only been here in the veil for a little over a year, so I don’t know much about the other beings who also live here and interact with the humans.
“What’s your name?” I ask, trying to appear even more friendly in hopes of snagging myself a very hot, dead date.
The ghost looks me up, and down like he likes what he sees, definitely a good start.
“Rich,” he replies.
“That’s a nice name. Really screams you have money and that you’d treat a lady right,” I reply, turning on the charm.
“Cut to the chase, cupid,” he says boredly.
“Rich, you seem like a straight shooter, so I’m going to give it to you straight. My ex-boyfriend dumped me for a brand new, naïve cupid and we have the biggest celebration of the year in three days. It’s Valentine’s Day, you know? Anyway, he was being a particularly awful asshole to me, and I came up with a lie that I had a date when I really don’t. All the other cupids already have dates for the ball and I obviously can’t bring a human, so I thought asking a fellow immortal in the veil would be my best option. I’m up for an award, you know? That’s the whole reason he broke up with me, because he can’t stand the idea of a powerful woman. So, I want to bring another hot immortal to the party and show him what he’s missing out on,” I say it so rapidly that I’m nearly out of breath, and Rich the ghost grins at me.
