He scales ahead, and Lily turns around to look down at me.
“Goodnight, Cash.”
“Night, baby girl.”
She gives me a beaming smile, and just like that, I’ve completely sealed my spot alongside Tate and Axel. No matter what we do, the impact we leave on the club is going to be irreversible.
I hardly sleep.
I wasn’t actually asleep on the couch last night at the body shop; I heard everything.
I should be terrified. I should ask Kurt to set me up on more dates with respectable men who don’t casually kill people. But I don’t… and I won’t.
I’m not going into this with rose-colored glasses. Last night taught me as much. It taught me I cared more for Axel and Tate than I realized. It felt like my heart dropped out of my ass when I heard gunshots and didn’t know if they were in the line of fire. It has me wondering how much I truly want to know about club business and if I can handle them constantly being in danger.
While I don’t need to know every detail of what they do for the club, I refuse to be treated like blown glass. It’s the only reason I took Cash’s advice, and I appreciated it. Now that I’ve had time to think about it, he’s right. If I would have cursed at them, told them how scared I was, they wouldn’t ever take me anywhere or tell me shit again.
Which leads me back to Cash and that kiss.
How could one night be as life changing and chaotic as last night was? It’s like in a matter of twenty-four hours, the entire trajectory of my life has changed. It’s been nearly too much to process. So despite my headache and the pit in my stomach, I begrudgingly get out of bed and get dressed for a run.
I always do my best thinking while running, and I desperately need some clarity. Not about how I feel per se, but how the hell we’re going to make this work. My feelings for Cash, which he seemed to eagerly return, changes things in a good way. It’s not just Axel and I against the world or club anymore. Three members is what you need to make a pack… though, it won’t be enough.
I feel like such a greedy bitch saying that, but it wouldn’t. I need another Alpha. An Alpha who is notablynotmy stepbrother… although my pheromones and mind don’t seem to catch on to that fact. Why does he have to be so handsome, broody, and smell so goddamn good? I swear it’s like the universe is slapping me in the face.
Why couldn’t he just not be Kurt's son? I almost feel like if they didn’t have such a complicated relationship maybe it would be easier. Maybe I wouldn’t feel this way if we all had a closer relationship. However, nothing can take away how beautiful he is.
He respected my wishes, killed an animal abuser, and the way he looked at me last night?Ugh, I’ve got to stop thinkingabout it.I shake my head as I tie my shoes and ramble downstairs.
Thankfully, no one is up yet, and I take a deep breath of relief before leaving the house and jogging my usual route around the compound. I run through the grass, passing the reservoir, and looping around the hardware store like I normally do.
My heart rate is up, my breathing is labored, and there’s a sheen of sweat on my forehead when a cramp, so debilitating it feels like every nerve ending is firing off, crashes into me. My stomach was upset all last night, but I chalked it up to nerves. But now I groan in distaste, realizing my period is here or is about to be. I finish my circuit even though it’s painful.
As soon as I get home, I turn the shower on and let the warm water hit my head as I sit on the floor.
The pain is more intense than any of my periods have ever been, and I groan. My body is getting ready for my fucking heat, making the perfect little nest in my uterus to house a baby.
“Fucking traitorous body,” I seethe at myself as I wash up.
This couldn’t have come at a worse time, either. I was supposed to finally go all the way tomorrow on Marielli’s Mass. That certainly won’t be happening now. They’re going to be so disappointed.
I try to not let my distaste of disappointing people linger for long, taking care of myself and drying off. The cramps only get worse, and I find myself in the fetal position on my bed whimpering in pain.
It feels like hours pass by, the pain so intense I don’t even have the energy to turn on the tv or an audiobook; I just lie there and suffer.
Why the fuck haven’t we evolved yet? Why do I still need my period to rip me to shreds every fucking month?
There’s a soft knock on my door, and I groan. The hinges creak and there’s a hefty weight added to the end of my bed.
“Everything okay, hun?” Kurt asks.
“I’ll be fine.”
“How was last night’s date?” he asks, and I swallow. Tears prickle my eyes from the pain, the memory, and the fear of what I don’t want my stepfather to know about.
“It’s not a match,” I say weakly, keeping it simple and honest.
“I was hoping to set you up with another date tonight,” he offers encouragingly.
