My pillowcase has become soaked, and I scowl at the dreaded salty-wet patch on the fabric.
When was the last time I let myself truly feel something?It had to be when I was in my birthed body because this feeling is absolutely awful. My eyes burn, and my stomach hurts; I want to be sedated instead of feeling this.
If I wasn’t avoiding Judd, I would see what he has to help me sleep for endless hours. I wonder if edibles work on demons; that’s truly something I need to find out. But for now, I guess I’ll just have to keep letting this moisture drip from my face until it runs dry.
My eyes are stinging, and my stomach grumbles, but I don’t move. I just want to rot in this bed and never leave.
There’s a loud knock on the door, and I push the pillow harder against my face, muffling a “Go away!”
“No,” the deep voice of Elvor replies.
“Go away,” I repeat, and this time there’s a lighter knock at the door.
“Sweetheart, we aren’t going anywhere. So you can either open the door, or Elvor is going to knock it down,” Judd warns. His voice is clear enough through the door to easily be heard. How in the fuck did he even get access to this part of the manor?I know I gave Elvor access, but how did Judd?
“I’m not opening the door,” I shout petulantly. I need more time to be a sad sack of shit. They can’t see me with pink tear stains running down my face and a snotty nose. They’ll want me even less then.
Like a wild beast, Elvor easily knocks the door off its hinges and comes tumbling into my room.
I cross my arms over my chest and look at them both. Their first reaction is being completely pissed off at my lack of compliance. Then, of course, they take note of my tear-streaked, shame-riddled face, and their anger is replaced with concern.
“I said to leave me alone,” I huff, turning away.
“Mara, I know you’re upset. That’s why we’re here,” Judd says.
“No, you’re here because I’ve been unknowingly compelling you both to fall for me. It’s why I feel so good around you. You’ve been fueling my energy, and you had no idea. How do you even know that you actually like me?” I argue back, and Judd’s face softens.
“Because you give me energy, too. I think about you when you’re not around. You make me smile, you make me want to live. If you’re compelling that out of me, I honestly couldn’t give a fuck. Because before you came to Hell, I was miserable. You gave me a reason to live,” he proclaims, but I just shake my head.
“It’s the siren part of me that makes you feel that way, not really me,” I say quietly, and he shakes his head. He takes a seat on the bed next to me while Elvor stands there, his face hard to read.
“That’s not true. I like the girl who wants to dance with me, who confidently tells me what to do, who is willing to try new things. I like the girl who steals a dress and changes into it right there on the shopping room floor or the girl who gets so jealous she murders a vampire in the middle of the dance floor. You make me laugh, and you’re the funnest person to be around. What do any of those things have to do with being a siren?”
“I don’t know, but I’m sure most of it has to do with me being a siren. You liked me so fast, Judd. So did Elvor. It obviously wasn’t natural.”
“Mara?” Judd breathes disbelievingly as I look away. I’m shocked when he grabs my chin, jerking my face back to look at him. “We’re in Hell now. Things are different. I’m telling you that I love you and don’t care about the siren part of you. If me caring for you is what gives you energy, then fucking use me.”
“I just want to be wanted for who I am,” I say. I’m not sure I’ve ever been this vulnerable in my life. Judd wipes away my tears, and it’s too fucking sweet. I both cherish and loathe it at the same time.
It’s not Judd who speaks next, it’s Elvor. “Let’s go,” he states.
I growl in frustration as I stand up from the bed. “I literally just said I want to be wanted for who I am, and your response is,let’s go?”
Elvor is in my face in less than five steps. His massive hand grabs my chin roughly as he scowls at me. “Yes. Let’s go. I’m going to show you how much I want you. But I can’t do that in Lucifer’s manor.”
I swallow and look up at the massive fae.
“You’re not mad?”
He shakes his head.
“You don’t hate me?”
He sighs, shifting to cup my face. “Little princess, my patience is running thin. Are you done with the stupid questions?”
“They aren’t stupid,” I spit back.
“To us, they are. What you are changes nothing, Mara,” Judd chimes in.
