I swallow and shrug my shoulders. “It was inevitable, wasn’t it?”
“It made you feel better?” he asks, and I nod my head. “Then yes, it was inevitable.”
Chapter22
Iportal right to my bedroom, not wanting to run into anyone else. I don’t need to be stuffing another corpse in a closet or having to explain myself to another person. The book is heavy in my arms, and I can tell that it’s old.
My father gave it to me willingly. He was honest about Beelzebub and all of his intentions. So was Blair.
So why do I still feel like shit?
Why do I still feel like I don’t deserve what I’ve built in Hell so far? I suppose I should feel more concerned about the way Blair and Lucifer could so easily read me, but I don’t. It’s all water under the bridge with them at this point.
But Elvor, Judd, and Toth…
I blow a piece of hair out of my face. I want Toth to look at me the way he did when he was holding my body against a wall. When he was telling me how badly he had wanted me this whole time. But I still wonder how much of it is genuine.
How much of it is the siren influence I can’t control?
I’m not ready to come clean and talk to them yet. I know I won’t be able to stay away long, and I can’t imagine how they’re feeling.
Betrayed? Deceived?
Fuck.
I turn on Dance Mums in the background. There’s nothing quite like Tabby Leigh’s condescending voice as background noise as I crack open the book.
The spine almost feels like it’s falling apart when I open it so I can look at the first page. It’s a picture of a woman sitting atop a rock on the shore with a ship in the distance.
I read on, and the tome says that they don’t know when sirens became present in the mortal realm, but the main source is mermaids. It’s believed that over time and with mixed breeding, sirens evolved to look just like mortals.
They no longer needed to consume mortal men to sustain their life source, just their devotion.
Sirens feed off attention and loyalty and crave it to an almost destructive level. I sigh and keep reading.
They depict sirens as beautiful maidens who tend to have a murderous streak.That tracks.
They are also nomads of the supernatural world, tending to be loners in their hunt for followers while staying away from other supernatural beings.
I flip through some personal accounts of interactions with sirens before I get to the last few pages that look like they were written by a siren.
I fear I don’t have much longer on this Earth. Not because my following is diminishing but because I, myself, can no longer continue to be on this planet. I’ve spent too much time glamouring the mortals that court me. I can no longer turn it off. Nothing in my life is genuine anymore. The followers I’ve collected only come to me for my siren song, nothing more.
There’s another entry from another siren, and this is the one I needed to see, the one that gives me some fraction of hope.
I’ve fallen in love with a mortal boy. My mother says he doesn’t really love me, though, that it’s just my gift he’s attracted to. I haven’t fully mastered how I get the mortals to do as I please, and I think my mother is jealous that I have a true follower without the need to trick him with my siren song. We’re running away together tonight, and I’m never looking back. I don’t care that I’ll wither away if I don’t consume mortal energy. Being with him is worth it.
I close the book gently so as not to disturb the ancient text and lie down on my bed, looking at the deep green canopy above me.
Maybe I used my siren abilities on Judd, Elvor, and Toth without recognizing it before, but I recognize it now. There’s no doubting my feelings for them, so maybe I can make this right?
I can lay out the complete truth of what I am and work on never pushing compulsion on any of them. Maybe there’s some salvaging what was growing between us, and hopefully, they won’t hate me.
Fuck, I’m such a coward for hiding from them, for compelling Toth to forget.
I grab the softest pillow next to me and curl up into a ball. For the first time in a long time, I let the tears flow freely. It’s cathartic and sickening, and I’m glad no one is around to witness my shame.
I’ve just been so lost for so long.Could I actually be safe here and build something? Even if they don’t forgive me or want me after they know the whole truth?
