“I own the place outright, so rent is not an issue.”
I cross my own arms over my chest and stare at the larger than life Alpha. “I need to contribute somehow. I can’t just live here for free.”
“Why not?” he asks, and I huff. “Were you not living in your dad’s home for free? At least at my place there are no expectations of you.” My mouth gapes open, and Alexi scrubs his face. “That came out harsher than I meant, if you really want to contribute, food would be great. I eat out most nights.”
This should probably be the time I tell him I can’t cook for shit.
“I can do that.”
“Alright, so we’re all good then?”
“Yeah.” I look around his nice house and how tired he is from helping me all night and then getting me moved this morning. “I appreciate all of this, Alexi, I really do.”
He gives me a small smile. “You deserve better. Door code is 0880.”
I blink at him. “You’re kidding, right?”
“What?” he says, looking at me like I’m dumb.
“It’s your jersey number forwards and backwards, Alexi. It’s like you’re asking to be fucking robbed.” He waves off my very logical statement and walks toward me. He gives me no space as he grabs a bottle of water off the counter. His body doesn’t touch mine, but it may as well be with the way his scent is wrapping around me.
As he goes to stand up straight, he lightly speaks. “Living here has no strings attached, I need you to know that. But I also need you to know that I want you, and you living here is only going to make me want you more.”
My hands reach for his chest and glide down his ripped abs as I fist the bottom of his shirt. But his hand wraps around my wrists. I look up at him, and his gaze is intense.
“When I say I want you, I mean I want you to be my girl. I want to take you on dates, show you off, end my day with you in my bed.” I swallow, and when I look at him, knowing that he’s being completely honest with me, Alexi is all in. “I know you’re not there yet, and until you are, I can’t do anything else. It’s… it’s too much.”
“I want to get there,” I tell him honestly. Even if the thought of being with him in that capacity is terrifying. Deep down, I know I want it. I just need my life to stop spinning on its axis for just one moment.
“And our Beta?” he says like Owen is a done deal, like there's no other logical step than for him to be ours.
“I want to get there too,” I say, and Alexi smiles. He tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His calloused hand slides across my jawline, and all I want him to do is lean down and kiss me again. As much as I love how Alexi is able to shut my brain down, I know it’s not fair of me to ask him for that when he needs a commitment from me.
I will get there, at least I hope. I’m looking at this beautiful man in front of me and wondering why I’m so broken that I can’t accept everything he’s offering me. I look away, and Alexi cups my face.
“I’m patient. Just don’t make me wait too long, okay?”
I nod, and his thumbs trail under my jaw. He looks at me like he wants to kiss me so bad. My hands wrap around his wrists, and he sighs. Suddenly, a jolt to my side startles me. I look at my pager for work and groan.
“I’ve got to go.”
“Okay, do you know what time you’ll be home?”
“Probably late, sometime early tomorrow morning, don’t wait up. I’ll make sure to be quiet on my way in.”
He nods and gives me one last lingering look. I have to dig through all the unlabeled boxes that I packed the night before. I find a clean pair of scrubs, and it looks like it's Crocs today. I look over at my mattress on the floor and sigh, knowing that I’ll be sleeping on the floor tonight. It beats being homeless or the obligations that come along with living at my dad’s property.
My shift starts absolutely horrifically by seeing Dr. Mayfield. I’d love to tell her how her little check-in with my father got me kicked out of my house. Or maybe I could just impulsively quit the program on the spot. The intrusive thought follows me throughout the day. Just ripping off my badge and quitting, telling Shuana she’s a cunt and saying ‘I quit this bitch,’ but alas, I don’t have the gall.
I don’t have another job or program to transfer to. Until I have a completely solidified plan, I can’t leave. Maybe there’s still a part of me that doesn’t want to let all my hard work go to waste, or admit I’m the failure my father thinks I am.
“Am I boring you, Dr. Blake?” Dr. Mayfield asks as I hold suction.
“No, of course not, Dr. Mayfield.”
“You have great potential, but unless you really hone in your focus, I don’t know if you’ll make it.”
How the hell do you respond to that? “Thank you, Dr. Mayfield.”
