I’m so sick and tired of being judged based on my parents’ sins. I used to be treated like a pariah because my mother was an addict, and now I’m forbidden because my father was an adulterer. It makes me wonder what I will become. Right now, I mostly feel like a failure and a victim. And I really don’t want to be the fucking victim any longer.
Penny’s ponytail swooshes against my cubicle wall as she smiles at me. “Hey, we’re all going to get drinks tonight. You in?”
Maybe this is my in, maybe if the office is plied with enough alcohol—if I’m plied with enough liquid courage—I could make some headway.
“Sure, I’d love to,” I reply to Penny.
“Great, it’s right down the street, so we can walk. Everyone usually leaves around four-thirty on Fridays.”
I look at my phone, another slew of notifications I ignore as I check the time. Only an hour left till everyone leaves for the day.
“Great, come grab me and we can walk together?”
Penny nods and smiles back at me before she walks away and heads back to reception. I can handle this, I’ve got to at least try. I’ve got to come out of this shell that I’ve built around myself. I didn’t used to be this uncomfortable in social situations, but I feel like I’ve been beaten down too many times and it’s just made me disappear.
I don’t want to be lost and floating through life anymore—I want to be me again—even if I’m not completely sure who I am.
I can’t stop my nervous fidgeting as I watch the clock slowly tick away. I am slowly working my way through Kemper’s current catalog of branding, stickers, emailers. Quite frankly, it’s a complete mess. Nothing matches, there’s nothing that indicates a clear brand message, and I’m trying to bring it up with Aiden. I only have the lacrosse and baseball materials left to go through, but it’s going to have to wait for next week.
For the most part, I’m liking the job. I like that I’m going to be able to make a difference here. I don’t see this as a permanent place for me, but for now, I’m grateful. If only I could find my place in the office. When I peek my head out the top of my cubicle, it looks like mostly everyone has already left for the bar. I wait for Penny to say she’s ready to go though. I’m not going to leave early on my first week. Aiden’s door is open, and he has his glasses on as he stares at his monitor. I don’t imagine he’s coming; he doesn’t seem like the type to go out and drink with his employees, but I could be wrong.
Why does part of me hope that I’m wrong? It’s probably just because Aiden is so kind to me. Not just in a being my new boss kind of way, but like he actually cares about me being comfortable here.
I stare at him a little too long. He rubs his thumb against his chin, his five o’clock shadow in full force, and I bet it feels just the right amount of scratchy. More than likely I shouldn’t be thinking about how attractive he is, and I certainly shouldn’t be staring at my boss. Maybe if he could tone it down a little bit, I wouldn’t feel so distracted.
My creepy behavior is quickly averted when Penny comes into view.
“Ready to go?”
“Yeah, let’s head out.” I shut down my computer and grab my purse. This time my sunglasses are already on as we leave the office and walk down to the bar.
“The place is called Mutiny, it’s a cute little spot. Do you have any other plans this weekend?” Penny asks.
“No, just hanging out at the cottage.”
“You should explore some. There’s a lot of great nightlife, but it depends on what you’re in to.”
I feel like if I told Penny what I was in to she would stop being my friend, so I just shrug my shoulders, and she smiles.
“Maybe one weekend I’ll take you up on that.”
“If you like to dance, there’s the best Cuban place a few miles south, or if you like more techno music, there’s a place called Rogue. Then there’s Avalon, of course.” She laughs as she says it.
“What’s Avalon?”
“It’s—” She opens the door to the bar, and I hear her whisper the word fuck. It’s then that I realize Zach decided to come to after work drinks, even though he hasn’t been at the office all week. “Sorry, I didn’t think he’d be here.”
“It’s okay, Penny. It’s not your fault.”
We go to the high top table. I sit next to Penny and Sharon in accounting. James, Lucy, Ed, Huck, and Tabitha are also present. Zach stands at the end of the table with Lucy and Tabitha who seem to hang onto every word he says. James seems involved in their conversation, while Ed, Huck, and Sharon are left out. I guess it makes sense, seeing as Sharon and Ed are in accounting and Huck is in HR. All the others are in sales, it seems to be cliquey for sure.
“Hi, Sharon,” I say as confidently as possible.
“Hey, Jessa, how is your first week?”
“It’s going really well. I think I’ll really like making some new designs and getting to know the business better.”
She nods and takes a sip of her cocktail.
