“I’m sorry.” It’s the only thing I can come up with. I know it’s not my place to apologize, but I can’t feel anything but disappointment in how Collin handled this situation.
When we pull up to the office, everyone is packing up for the day. We head inside so Jessa can gather her things.
“I’ll see you tomorrow?” I mostly ask because I’m not sure if she plans on coming back or not.
“Yes, I’ll be back tomorrow,” she says, throwing the strap of her purse over her shoulder and grabbing her portfolio and leaving the building.
I groan and grab the ball out of the top drawer, tossing it in the air and catching it. My hand slightly tenses with each squeeze. After all these years, my hand still fucking hurts. I want to throw the ball through the giant window in my office, but I refrain.
Penny drops off a few documents and looks at me expectantly.
“What?” I ask her.
“She’s nice.”
‘Okay?”
“I think…” I look up at my cousin who rolls her eyes at me. “I think she needs a friend, and I plan on being that for her. I think she’s sad.”
“Of course she’s sad.”
“Maybe…”
“Listen, Penny. She’s an employee, she’s a shareholder. I’ll be kind to her, not just because I’m her boss but because she’s Collin’s daughter. Is there anything else?”
“Damn, don’t chew my head off, or I’ll call Aunt Maggie.”
“Seriously, you’re going to call my mom when I tell you to mind your own business?” I ask.
“Yeah, maybe. I’m just saying. Everyone in the office is already gossiping about her; it’s going to be hard. We have to make more of an effort. I’ll make sure to ask her to lunch.”
“That will be great. Is there anything else?”
She clears her throat and shakes her head as she leaves. She stops at the door frame and looks back at me. “Will you be at family dinner on Sunday?” I really need to make sure that there are no more family hires at this fucking office.
I wave her off and nod my head. She smiles before disappearing down the hall. It takes me a while to get the will to leave the office, to go back home where I feel so alone. I’m leaning in my chair and contemplating going to Avalon. Another night with meaningless sex sounds pathetic.
I groan as I pull the manila envelope from my desk and open the folded document holding the letter from Collin I haven’t read. Nothing like reading a message from your dead best friend to sway you from going to a sex club. With the paper in my hands, I read his last words to me.
Aiden,
We built something wonderful together and I’m sure you’re wondering about my decisions with my children. I hope that you understand I’m trying to right my wrongs. It’s something I should have done a long time ago. You always felt like a son to me, so please, as my last wish, make sure my children are cared for. Be the mentor to them as I was to you. Guide them when they need you, but let them make mistakes too. I know this is a lot to ask of you, but you were my best friend. I trust you with the most valuable things I leave behind in my life. My children and my company. I know you’ll make me proud.
-Collin
I have to resist crumpling up the paper and throwing it in the trash. What the actual fuck, Collin? All these weeks I spent visiting him in the hospital and he never said anything like this. He told me about Jessa, that he wanted to make sure she was taken care of. Not that he had expectations of me. He didn’t even tell his wife and son about Jessica until he was reaching his final hours.
It’s a hard realization when someone you put on a pedestal winds up not being the person you believed them to be. I’m trying to consolidate the Collin I knew: who was my mentor, business partner, and friend. To this man who died with such a huge secret he only revealed in death. I’m trying to have compassion and understanding for everyone, but it’s extremely difficult.
I’m sure the shock is hard for Zach and Abigail, but the pain in Jessa’s eyes is unmistakable.
Part of me hates Collin for putting me in this position, and as much as I want to punch Zach in the face most days, I’ll honor his wishes. Collin gave me a new life, and the least I can do is make sure his children can reach their highest potential, despite their father’s failures.
4
LIQUID COURAGE
My workat Kemper’s is easy. Fitting in at the office, though, is feeling near impossible. The only people I talk to are Penny and Aiden. And Aiden is all business. He hardly even looks up at me when I go into his office to discuss something, which hasn’t been frequent. Everyone else treats me like I’m a scarlet letter. Like I chose to be the bastard child of their fearless leader who lied to everyone.
