I shrug my shoulders and look out the window. Because if I look at my brand new boss, who is driving me home because I drank too much,I might fucking die.
“I think I needed a release and for people at the office to treat me like a normal person.”
“Have people been rude to you?” he asks, his tone is even, and I shake my head.
“Just cautious, I think.”
“Hmm.”
The street lights are blurry as I look out the window. “I think I hate my dad,” I blurt out. I’m met with silence, and I close my eyes. I’m not sure if it’s the cocktails or sheer power of will, but somehow I fall asleep.
5
SEX CLUBS & DADDY ISSUES
It almost feelslike a blessing that she falls asleep on the car ride home. Drunk confessions of what kind of person Collin was isn’t something I want to get into tonight.
Frankly, driving to fucking Clearwater wasn’t on my list of things I wanted to do tonight either. But there was no way I was going to let her or Penny get home in their current state. I can’t even blame Jessa, I know how Penny can be, and I’m sure Jessa’s desire to fit in left her drinking more than she normally would. At least I hope so, this behavior can’t become a consistent occurrence. I scold myself for the line of thinking, like I have any say as to how she lives her life. But there’s something festering inside of me when it comes to her, and I find myself constantly shutting it down.
Jessa’s head is leaned against the window, her dark hair pressed against the glass and spiraling down her side. I can’t help wondering how such a beautiful woman can feel so displaced. From my minimal interaction with her, it’s clear she lacks confidence and is timid when it comes to asking for help or direction.
I shouldn’t be thinking about how good it would feel to give her direction. I’m her boss and that’s it. The direction I give her is solely in the workplace and that’s all. Besides being an employee, she’s my dead best friend’s daughter, and she’s clearly going through something. The latter doesn’t help with my predicament of wanting to make everything better for her, but it will need to be in a mentor type of way. Collin’s last wish was for me to guide his children the same way he guided me, and finding his daughter attractive or just like the type of woman I like, is not what he would have wanted.
She sleeps unphased, her lips parted as she breathes softly as we cross the bridge and make our way to the cottage. I wish I could get out of this situation without waking her up, but that’s not a possibility. When I reach the cottage I park in the driveway and stare at the house for a moment.
I’d taken Collin’s death in stride, but when I look at this house it all hits me. He’s really gone, and I find myself angry with him in a way I’ve never felt before. Angry that he died, that he left me with such a heavy weight, left his children to handle his lies when he couldn’t. But there’s also a part of me that just misses him. His boisterous laugh, going to sports games with him, how he made me feel like I wasn’t a fuck up. Collin was a lot of things, but to me he was the person who stopped me from spiraling. I owe him everything, and I can do this for him. I can follow through on his last wishes.
I grip Jessa’s upper arm and shake her slightly. Her lips close, and she scrubs her eye with the heel of her palm.
“Just a few more minutes, Daddy,” she says.
My heart sinks in my chest and my cock stirs.What the actual fuck.
“Jessa,” I say her name louder and with a stern tone. She blinks her big brown eyes and finally understands where we are. She rubs her hands down the sides of her face, and if it wasn’t so dark in the cab of the car, I imagine I would see a blush across her cheeks. “We’re here.”
She clears her throat and opens the car door. “Thank you for driving me home, Aiden.”
I nod at her. “Do you need a ride to work on Monday?”
“Oh no, I’ll get my car before Monday.”
“If you can’t, will you let me know?”
She nods her head and digs her keys out of her purse. “Thanks again, Aiden.” She walks off and I watch as she turns the key in the lock and enters. There’s a part of me that wants to get out of the car and make sure that she locked the door after going in. But that’s not my place, none of this is, and I can’t help this nagging feeling in my chest. I can’t remember a time I’ve felt this uncomfortable around a woman, and I’m not sure why.
Maybe it’s because she just called me daddy and I have no fucking clue how to feel about it.Lie. I know how I feel about it, I’m just not going to fucking admit it to myself.
I watch as she turns off the lights in the cottage then reverse out of the driveway and head to the one place I always go when I feel out of control.
* * *
Is it fucked up that a sex club is my center?Probably.
It’s the one place I feel like I can be myself, which is pathetic when I think about it. I’ve had a few relationships, but Avalon and my relationships have never been able to coexist. I’ve tried dating women from the club, but it always felt like the relationship was purely sexual, nothing deeper. I wonder if I’ll ever find a balance between the two, someone who can embrace all the sides to me. Or maybe I haven’t truly dug down deep enough to figure out what I need in a relationship, or I haven’t cared enough to try.
The idea of settling down hasn’t hit me until recently. I guess watching someone die will do that to you, make you dissect your own mortality. I just want a woman I can take to baseball games, the beach then bend her over and spank her and finger her pussy till she’s crying—it shouldn’t be this complicated.
I take a seat at the bar. Nothing happens at the front of the house, all clothes must stay on, this part of the club is for conversation and drinking.
