He gapes at me, his grip on my face tightening. “You fucking took on an archangel?”
“Yes, I did. And no, he’s not dead, but he isn’t doing so hot either.”
“Why didn’t you call me sooner?” Lucifer demands angrily as I walk back to the manor. His first response isn’t I’m proud of you or asking the finer details of the fight; it is how I should have called him first, how I need him to protect me. I’m so frustrated I want to scream.
“Lilith,” he says my name harshly, coming to stand in front of me quicker than a flash. “Why didn’t you call for me?”
“Because I’m not helpless. Because I’m not some damsel in distress for you to lock away in a tower.” I don’t know why tears fall from my eyes as I shout at him. “I’m strong, I can take care of myself.”
“I know you’re strong and brave, it’s what I love about you.”
We hadn’t said it yet, sure he calls me love all the time, but he’s never outright told me that he loves me.
“You love me?” I reiterate, and he nods his head. “Then why can’t you love me the way I need to be loved? I can’t be your secret, stealing affections in the manor or only in front of your trusted friends. I want to be with someone who is proud to be with me. I want to be loved openly and honestly.”
His head is downcast as his eyes look up at me. “I can’t lose you, Lilith.”
“If you keep using my safety as a reason to hide me, you will.” I don’t mean to be harsh, and I don’t want this to feel like an ultimatum, but I guess it is. I can’t live the rest of my life feeling insecure and like another person feels ashamed to be with me. I’ve spent too much of my life dealing with that.
“You’ve seen before, angels aren’t afraid to come after you.”
“Yeah, and you saw how I handled myself. Can you trust me and trust yourself to protect me? I’m willing to compromise, but being your dirty, little secret isn’t part of the deal.”
“You’re not my dirty, little secret.”
“Aren’t I? I want to be able to kiss you in front of a room full of demons. I want them to know how proud I am of you and to be yours. Can you say the same?” He opens his mouth, and I put a hand on his chest. “Don’t answer; just think about what I’ve said, and once you know what you can handle, come find me.”
“Lilith,” he sighs my name, but I shake my head.
“Just think about it.” I wrap my arms around his waist, and his hand comes up to cup the back of my head as he portals us back to the mansion, me going back to my room and Lucifer going to wherever he needs to go to think.
Chapter thirty-two
Shefeelslikeadirty secret.
That she needs our love to be public in order for this to work. If I were a mortal, I would think I was having a heart attack the way my chest aches. I suppose she has some points. If Michael knew of her as well as the other angels, she’s truly not a secret. I, of course, worry about my own demons. But as she pointed out, I can protect her, and she can take care of herself.
I suppose my trauma of losing her before—not truly her—losing Lily has jaded me. The feelings and connection I had with Lily are nothing like I have with Lilith. Lilith pushes me, she’s strong, funny, and beautiful. I groan as I walk into the training area. Mara has Toth pinned beneath her and is pointing a dagger to his chin. As soon as he sees me, he clears his throat and tosses Mara off of him.
“My lord,” he greets.
“Sorry to interrupt.”
“Oh, I was just kicking your second-hand’s ass, it’s fine,” Mara teases and Toth rolls his eyes. “Is something wrong?”
“Lilith,” I say as I sit on one of the training benches.
“Obviously,” Mara says, picking up a dagger and tossing it at the wall. It lands in the wood with an audible thud and a splintering of the wall.
“Obviously?” I ask.
“Yeah, no girl wants to be someone’s secret,” she is speaking to me but glances at Toth.
“She’s not a secret.”
“Oh, do you take her on dates? Does she have a title? Can she tell whoever she wants about you two?”
“I need to protect her.” Mara rolls her eyes.
