It was a hard decision for Charlotte to sell her mother’s house, but she decided that it was time. A lot of the décor is from the house, and we plan to use it in this cabin to give it the comfortable feel that Kathy always brought into her home.
Charlotte sighs and nods her head. She focuses on petting Hank’s ears as he drools all over the comforter. I notice her squinting and hand her the glasses sitting on the bedside table.
“Thanks,” she whispers.
“Thought anymore about LASIK?” I ask. She’s brought it up a few times, but I can tell she’s nervous. Shit, I’m nervous about the idea of my Omega needing any procedure done.
“Maybe I’ll look into it during the season. Right now, I just want to enjoy the off season with you guys.”
I nod and kiss her hair. I can’t help but to pet Hank’s head. The beast of a dog has grown on me, but it’s clear he has favorites. Charlotte is his number one, with Eli being a close second. Hank may not be the brightest animal, but I think he knows Eli saved his life with that chocolate disaster a few months back.
Eli kisses her hair and sighs. “We don’t have to do it today, baby. We’re here for a few more days before Piper watches Hank and we go to Finland.”
“I want to do it today,” she says softly, and we agree. We work on showering and getting dressed. As we walk into the kitchen, Anders already has breakfast ready, and he gives our Omega an appraising look, making sure that she’s doing okay and is able to handle today. We can all feel her through the bond. She is a little melancholic, some sadness, but some fondness as well.
Something you learn when you have a bond is the complexity of emotions. Not all standard ‘bad’ emotions are actually that bad. Being human is complex, and it’s okay to not be happy all the time. If anything, it’s important to let yourself feel everything so that you don’t bottle up everything and explode at the worst time. At least this is what our therapist, Janet, tells us. Charlotte goes to her the most still, but we have had pack sessions as well as individual couple sessions.
Especially with Charlotte’s past, we’ve come to learn that it’s important for her to feel, process, and express her emotions to us. Just because we can feel her down the bond, doesn’t mean that we should interfere or always have the immediate urge to make things better.
Today is a hard day, and how she is feeling makes sense. I fill up my Omega’s plate first before making my own.
“Thanks for breakfast, Anders.”
He nods as he sneaks Hank a piece of bacon before rounding the island and wrapping his arms around our bonded. He doesn’t say anything, just holds her and rubs soothing circles on her back. It’s odd, you would think in a pack there would be more jealousy, but in all honesty, we’re a family, and our sole focus is Charlotte. Having Eli and Anders here to make sure all of Charlotte’s needs are met is a gift. It doesn’t hurt that we have no issue with sharing intimacy with Charlotte.
Are there nights where I wish I could steal her away for myself? Absolutely. But our girl is great at making sure we each get individual attention as well as time as a pack. She has her own bedroom, which we use when she wants to share the bed with more than one of us. When she needs alone time with any of us, she usually comes to our rooms. She said that it has to do with being drowned in our scents.
She rubs her face on his shirt, marking her Alpha, and I can’t help but smile. She basically marks her territory anytime we leave the house. I love being with someone who is just as possessive of me as I am of them.
We eat in silence as we prepare for what we’re about to do.
“Ready?” Eli asks, and she nods her head. I grab her light jacket, and she holds out her arms and puts it on. Anders is already in front of her and zipping it up.
“I’m ready,” she says. She holds my hand with one hand and Anders with the other while Eli holds Hank’s leash, and we go out to the new bench by the lakeside. The tree’s leaves are coming back, and it’s a stark contrast from how it looks in the winter. “Is this new?” Charlotte asks as she looks at the bench.
“We got it as a place where you could visit with her,” I say as she looks at the plaque on the backrest.
In memory of Katherine (Kathy) Hodges
Loving wife and mother
Forever missed
Charlotte sniffles and traces her finger over the plaque as she looks back at us with watery eyes. “Thank you,” she says softly. The bench is huge, enough space for us all to sit as Charlotte takes the small portion of ashes out of her pocket. She stares down at them, and I watch as quiet tears track down her face.
“Do you want me to start,Kulta?” Anders asks her, and Charlotte nods. His hand is on her thigh as she quietly cries. “Kathy, I want to thank you for bringing Charlotte into this world and doing such an amazing job of caring for her. I wanted to let you know that you don’t have to worry about her. We’re going to take care of her, and we know how special she is. You always knew how special she was, and you were such a good mom. I didn’t know you for a long time, but you always brought warmth with you everywhere you went. I can see that trait in Charlotte. While I wish you got to see where life heads for us, just know that we’re doing our best. We’ll come to this bench and check in with you now and then. We will miss you, Kathy.”
Charlotte is in full-blown sobs and puts her face in Anders’ arm as she rubs her back and soothes her. We wait as her breathing evens out. Eli nods and he goes next.
“I never had a great mom, but Kathy, damn, you were a good mom. You showed me more care in the few times we met than my own mother ever did. You trusted us with Charlotte when we probably didn’t deserve it. I promise we’ll take care of her, and I’ll always remember your words. That I was a good man, and that you trusted me. I’ll try to be a better man every day for you, Charlotte, and Hank.” Charlotte laughs slightly when he adds Hank’s name at the end. She wipes her eyes and looks at me.
I clear my throat and look out at the lake. “Kathy, you once told me that everything happens for a reason, and to be honest, I thought you were full of shit. That so many bad things have happened it would be cruel if everything happened for a reason. But looking back, maybe you’re right. Bad things have to happen to make us who we are. In the wake of tragedy is where beauty thrives. I promise to be easy on myself and to put Charlotte first. I want to be a man that you’re proud to see your daughter with. I hope you’re looking down, and you like what you see. Thanks, Kathy.”
Charlotte is crying into Anders’ chest more, soaking his shirt as she sits up and wipes her tears. She takes a shuddering breath and starts, “Hey, Mom.” She has to stop and compose herself for a second before she starts again. “Hey, Mom. I know you would be so mad at me for how long I held on to the guilt of what happened. I know now that it wasn’t my fault, and there was nothing I could have done to change what happened. You always wanted me to be happy and for me to realize who I was, and I think I’m finally figuring that out. I want you to know that I’m doing okay—more than okay. I miss your hugs, but I have three Alphas who hug me more times in a day than I can count. I miss you telling me you love me every day, but I have three men who tell me it every waking chance. You were always worrying about me, and I think I can finally let you know that you don’t have to. I’m going to be okay, and I’m happy. I still think about you every day, Dad too. I hope wherever you are that you’re with him and you’re both proud. I love you.”
Each of us has a hand on her somewhere as she stands. She isn’t sobbing, but tears still track down her face as she empties the bag, and Kathy’s ashes are carried in the wind.
“She’ll always be with us wherever we’re here,” I say softly, and she leans into my chest.
