It sucks that I’ve even started to doubt it, all because of finding out that my father cheated. It happened during business trips while my mom was at home, which is the very situation I created for myself with Cody.
If only he were here and I could talk to him... he would know just what to say to take my worries away and help me go back to sleep. But no, his family had to kidnap him. His brother Brian especially doesn’t trust me, and I can’t rule out that he’ll try to talk Cody out of the wedding, like my mother did with me. I can’t stand the thought.
As I lie awake, counting the minutes, I consider calling Cody, but given the time, that would probably mean waking him up. We would likely spend a long time talking, or worse, he’d come home, and then we would both start the day exhausted. That’s no use. I need at least one of us to be clear-headed enough to make last-minute decisions if anything goes wrong. And since I don’t know if I’ll be able to, it will all come down to him.
The thought only adds to my worry. I spent months planning this day and I need to feel in control, which I absolutely don’t. Why did my mom have to say all those things? On the night before my wedding... Today is supposed to be fun, but all I can do is stress out. Is it perhaps that weddings are just something to get through, that today is just something to survive, and the real joy doesn’t start until the honeymoon? I don’t love the idea, but it would be better than feeling like this all the time.
As I turn around to lie on my side, I can’t help but remember that even our honeymoon doesn’t fully belong to us, not right away.
Cody’s parents want to see more of France now that they’re here, so we’ll spend a couple of days in Paris together, which they paid for. Of course, we’ll have separate hotel rooms, but Cody and I will have to spend time with them. Only after we leave Paris will we get to do as we please. We’ll go to Saint Tropez and stay at a gay resort. The reason for that is that I want to be able to touch my new husband whenever and wherever I want, and at a gay resort, no one will judge us.
Just half a week now until we’re there, two horny newlyweds with no interest in anything but each other. There’s only until the end of today until we’re married, and just a few hours until I can see him again. Honestly, regardless of everything that’s bothering me, I can’t wait.
***
It seems to take forever for my mom to wake up. Once she does, we have breakfast together, but I’m hardly capable of eating. Nerves are crawling under my skin, and I can’t wait to leave. She’s supposed to give me a ride to our venue, where I’ll meet Cody. I’ll ride back home with him tonight. We have a busy itinerary ahead of us, and our schedule doesn’t give us much time to talk. We’ll immediately change into our suits and have pictures taken at various locations on the farm. I had it all planned out, but something has changed. Before starting our schedule, I have to talk to Cody. My mind’s made up; I’ll take him aside the minute we arrive.
“I feel like I should say this again,” I tell my mother in the car, speaking French. “If Dad comes today, you must promise me you’ll act decently.” She’s about to brush it off again, but I cut her off. “He hasn’t let me down before, you know, not when it comes to showing up to the important things.”
That part is true. He may have handled it poorly when I introduced him to Cody, but he’s been present at every milestone of my life. I hope he’ll come to this one too, the most important one. Honestly, I don’t know if he will, but I will not show my mother that I have doubts about him.
“He’ll come, and you’ll have to deal with it. If you start making a scene at my wedding, I’ll kick you out—both of you. I don’t care that you’re my parents.”
My mom’s eyes widen, and she snorts, bemused. “So harsh this early on your wedding day. What’s gotten into you?”
I sigh deeply. “I didn’t get much sleep last night, and I’m scared you’re going to ruin my wedding.”
“Oh, so you’re moody because you’re tired?” She takes her eyes away from the road and looks at me briefly. “You look like it, darling. I’ll let you use some of my concealer for the wedding photos.”
I want to tell her no, but heck, I might need it. I don’t want to be in my wedding photos with bags under my eyes.
My suit is in a clothes bag in the back of the car, ready to be worn. Cody and I think I look lovely in it, and I’d hate for that to be ruined because of a sleepless night.
So instead, I reply, “I might take you up on that. Just promise you’ll behave if... I mean when Dad shows up.”
“Fine, fine. It’s been seven years anyway, and I’m not one to hold a grudge.”
That’s because you got everything in the divorce, I want to tell her, but I swallow the words. I’m in a bad mood, which is troublesome enough. If I ruin hers as well, who knows what will happen? At least in my case, I have someone who can turn my mood around, whereas she probably doesn’t.
When we arrive at the farm’s parking lot, I jump out of the car and look around. I’m relieved to spot Cody’s car almost immediately, but there’s no sign of him nearby. Not that itmatters, I’ve already made up my mind. I won’t stop searching until I find him.
“Can you please find a room where I can change and put the suit there?” I ask my mother. “I need to find Cody.”
She agrees and starts saying something else, but I’m already walking away. If one good thing came out of my mother staying with me last night, it was that it made me miss Cody incredibly much. I wanted him with me in the apartment, in our bed, but he wasn’t there. Instead, I only had my mother sleeping in the guest room, and most of what she did was get on my nerves.
Ignoring everyone and everything, I rush inside, opening every door I can find. Occasionally, I get a surprised, startled look from a staff member, but I don’t stick around to explain myself, frantically looking for Cody. It’s ten o’clock, and according to the schedule, he should be getting ready for pictures now, changing into his suit. At least I already know he’s here.
Eventually, I find him in the room behind the fifth door I open. He’s wearing his usual clothes, and in his hand is a clothing bag similar to the one I left with my mother.
He isn’t alone. Brian is with him, and when he sees me barging in, out of breath and frantic, he gives me that look again, as if this undoubtedly is the moment I’ll screw everything up. But I don’t care.
Especially when I notice the way Cody’s face lights up when he sees me. “Hey, baby,” he says, ignoring Brian, and surprisingly, I already feel better. “How was your night?”
“Give me a minute, and I’ll tell you,” I say, switching my attention to Brian, who clearly has no idea what his brother is doing with me. “Can I have a moment with my fiancé, please?”
He doesn’t look happy about it, but he knows he can’t say no, not on our wedding day, so he nods and leaves us. Finally, Cody and I are together.
He looks at me—really looks at me—and his expression grows concerned. I can only imagine what I look like: stressed out and with bags under my eyes. “Are you okay?” he asks me, sounding worried.
